How Did I Wind Up Here?

Definition

2009-09-30T09:57:00.001-07:00

We here at the Dictionary of Cindy have come up with the following definitions for a few commonly used phrases. Please feel free to use these words in this context.

Pissed Off: having spent all day yesterday baking only to come downstairs this morning to find that her dog has ate half of an apple pie off the counter.

Mixed blessings: Asking for a shift change at work only get said shift change so I have days off with hubby only to realize that I now work christmas night and boxing night, as well as christmas eve during the day. I guess we will be doing christmas on the 27th...

Fucking repetetive: Watching Cars for the 800 billionth time. Knowing all the words to it and also kinda wondering if its possible to wear out a DVD since this one has started to skip and get stuck and its not scratched because it has almost never been out of the DVD player.

That is all for today from Cindy's Dictionary.

Where does time go??

2009-09-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

No, not referencing the fact that I havent posted in a month, but the fact that Hubby and I were at his 10 year reunion last night.

God, I feel old. Mind you I havent had my ten year yet (not till next year) but still the thought is the same. It makes you think back on when you were in high school, imagine how you thought your life would be at your ten year reunion. Glamorous no doubt. At least I expected mine to be. Rich, fancy cars, new house maybe even famous (I dreamed big) fabulous jet setting life. I wanted to come back and show all those that were mean to me in HS that I was better than them, had succeeded and so there for thinking they were better than me in HS.

But here I am, none of those things. I still havent even been to Europe yet, and that has been my dream since I was little. Now I just hope to go back and not be the fattest one there. Especially since I used to be the skinniest. God I sound vain.

I dont know, I just... never thought this would be my life. I always wanted something MORE than regular. Something to make me feel better, ya know? Something fabulous. SOMETHING.

Now before you go thinking I'm ungrateful for what I've got, I do realize that I have an amazing husband (who currently HATES his mother for badmouthing me. Hi Janet.) and the most wonderful well behaved toddler to ever exist, a nice house, we both have good jobs, and we arent in debt. I appreciate all this. And yet...

I still cant help but wonder what it would be had I chose the other path...

5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

2009-08-03T16:18:00.000-07:00

So on Friday was my 5th anniversary. And after having to remind someone of the fact (not really a surprise) he decided that he was going to buy me flowers.

We were in a grocery store, and I was looking at cards and he asked the flower lady how much for a dozen long stem roses. (now keep in mind I'm behind her and she hasnt seen me) She tells him how much (68$) and he looks at her with a completely serious face and says

"Nah, my wife's not worth that much." I roll my eyes at him and she's like

"EXCUSE ME?!"

I start laughing and then she realizes that he said it for a reaction from me. She says to me I was gonna hit him, he has no idea how close he came to being smacked. I laughed and told her he probably still is going to be beat.

In the end, I told him not to spend that much on flowers I was just gonna kill anyway. So he got a cheap bouquet and made me dinner.

Its conversations like this that make me wonder how he's survived the five years without me killing him and feeding his body to pigs. If I ever buy a pig and a wood chipper, you'll know he made another wise ass comment and didnt survive.

And then I died.

2009-07-29T00:50:00.000-07:00

I almost died at work the other night. I'm not even kidding y'all. It was some seriously scary shit. Probably the most scared I have ever been in my entire life.

So I'm out at the Dam in the middle of the fucking wilderness on top of a mountain checking on things, as per my job. I got out to the location earlier than usual, at around 9pm, it was still light out, sorta twilight. I thought to myself that maybe I would get out and look around, take in the scenery overlooking town. Sounds like a good idea right?

Can you tell where this is going?

So I'm out of the truck, about 10 ft away from it, checking to make sure everything is secure when I turn around to look out at the view. Not 40ft away stands the BIGGEST black bear I have ever seen in my entire life. I froze.

My brain was like body what do i do?

Legs- Frozen in spot.

Arms- clenched in terror. throw something maybe???

Brain- your hands are empty. Try again.

Eyes- cry???

Brain- Does this look like a fucking man to you? Your tears will just be like salting yourself for him. And before mouth pipes in, screaming will only anger him, make him want to eat you to shut you up. Try again.

Nervous system- sweat? shake in fear? will that help?

Brain- No, you guys you're not helpi...

Bladder- PEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! I can do that for you?

Brain-NOBODY ASKED YOU BLADDER, THAT WILL NOT HELP ANYTHING!!! Now come on body we've got to do something.

Survival instinct- (rolls its eyes) Well you fucking idiot, maybe you should run!

Whole body- OMFG YES RUN TO THE TRUCK!!!

So I did, and I lived, obviously. But man was I scared. I sat in the truck and watched him watch me for a few minutes, then walk away. Obviously wondering what the fuck was up with that crazy bitch in the truck freaking out.

Men, go figure...

2009-07-20T13:22:00.000-07:00

So as a security guard/first aid attendant in my new job at a big metallurgical smelter, I come into contact with alot of men.

Some of these men are cute. Not very many mind you, but a few.

And because I am a security guard, we have alot of contact with the men who work in the gold/silver refinery part. Now here's where the story takes a turn for the funny.

There is a guy on my shift who is one of the cute ones in silver/gold. He is cute. For a blonde haired blue eyed guy. (I'm into tall dark and handsome. I married dark and handsome) He is also a body builder type. Like HUGE. Like every muscle tightly defined and toned. All hot and sweaty... (drool) anyway.

So this guy knows Husband. Like they've hung out together. Not very often, but enough to know that I'm married to him.

As soon as I started working there, he was volunteering for strip searches. Like jokingly at first, but he kept volunteering. It was kinda funny, especially since I can't do the searches cause I'm a girl. Obviously. Anyway, when I would go in there for my work he would always try and have conversations with me and was always making snide little backhanded comments about Husband. Always funny though, not like he was really serious about anything.

Harmless flirting that means nothing to either of us. I would never cheat. Ever.

So the other night, I came in to pick up the silver sample and he walks up to me all shyly, and whispers "I burned my hand" and holds it out to me for sympathy. I look (cause I'm a first aid attendant, I should pretend that I'm worried for him) and seriously, no mark. Maybe a teeny tiny little red mark. Nothing that this hulk of a man should be whining about. But here we are. So I poke at it a little to look like I'm concerned, and tell him he'll be fine. He says "will it blister?" all concerned like. I ask when it happened and and then tell him if it hasnt blistered yet, it won't. But still he's being a whiner and he asks if he should go to fire hall where the first aid room is. I laugh and tell him that if I think hes being a baby, they will outright laugh at him. So then he asks me in this little baby voice if I could get him an ice pack for his hand. All the while the other guys are saying how they should burn themsleves so I can come nurse them back to health. Making a big joke out of it, confirming my suspicion that he only said anything because he wanted attention from me.

So I went and got him an ice pack from the ambulance and brought it to him, he was all grateful and still whiny that it hurt so I just laughed at him ( I think I might not be a very good first aid attendant :( ) and told him to take it easy with his hand for the night.

Anyway, the next day I told Hubby that Hot guy was hitting on me. I was fully expecting him to be mad at me, and at Hot guy. All I got for a response was "I bet that makes you fell pretty good hey?" I'm floored, like "What did you just say???" And he's all, I know I feel good about myself when women hit on me, so it must do the same for you. Well, yes, but that's the response you give me? I'm disappointed, where's the jealousy, the rage, the posessiveness, the stay away from my wife stuff?

He looks me in the eye and says and I fucking quote "So I get in his face and tell him to back off and stop talking to my wife and he'd flick me away like a fly. Not easy to be intimidating when the other guy could anhilate you!"

Ah, honesty... I guess this means he trusts me.

Fetishist

2009-06-26T20:45:00.001-07:00

So I have a confesion to make about my son. It's kind of embarassing to admit because its weird to know something like this about your own kid.

Somethings just dont need to be known, especially not this early in his life. I mean he's only two for christ sake. If its bad enough now at TWO imagine how bad it will be when he's a teenager and has hormones and stuff coursing through his veins.

So here we go...

Tristan has a foot fetish. For Reals.

Oh, Hi mom. I'm just ummmmm........ please dont look at me.

It started young. His first real word was shoe. I'm not even kidding you. I wish I was. Other kids his age were mastering Mama or Dada and he was muttering shoe. He still refuses to differentiate between me and hubby. We are Mamadada. Like it doesnt matter to him which one of us he gets, just as long as someone gives him what he wants. Anyway...

Its not just that he first said shoe, its also his insistence to wear shoes all the time, when he's not wearing shoes he's playing with his toes, saying over and over again toe toe toe. He's fascinated with womens feet. Painted toenails are his weakness, and forget it if youre wearing a toe ring.

He always wants to wear everyones shoes, and will walk around in them if you dont happen to be currently attached to them. He knows where every pair of his shoes are currently and can retrieve them for you if you ask him to. He studies feet, he touches feet, thankfully he doesnt taste feet (yet), but he will smell them. Although it is always followed with a scrunched nose and an EW!

Should I worry about this weird fetish? Or do all little kids have some kind of fascination at this age?

I imagine Leighton Meester would be his dream girl. (Google her name and foot if you dont know what I'm referring to. Kinda funky shit that girl is into...)

Battle of the Wills

2009-06-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

So I think I may have bragged to someone too much about how good of an eater Tristan was, because low and behold, he has stopped eating. For serious.

He will not eat anything with any regularity, except ice cream, fruit and his morning oatmeal. If he once would eat someting with gusto, now he will not touch it. He used to love hot dogs, mashed potatoes, ground beef, cucumber, anything meat basically at all, ravioli, spaghetti. Among basically anything else you could throw at him. Seriously he would eat oysters with the hubby.

Now? He will not touch any of it.

And I am at my wits end with him. I have tried making him sit at his high chair until he eats, but he wont. He just sits there screaming at the top of his lungs, crying. Loudly.

I have tried making him foods that he once loved, thinking his new aversion was texture related. But it seems to have no correlation whatever to him not eating it, unless he simply does not like the feeling of FOOD in his mouth. He wont touch anything.

I have tried repeatedly giving him the same food over and over again until he eats it dammit, but he wont, and I'm afraid to see how long he can keep this up for.

I have tried force feeding him as a last resort, and it doesnt accomplish anything except hysterical crying (on both our parts) and me wearing whatever it was I tried to make him eat.

What do I do? Do I ignore the tantrums and then just take away the food after a reasonable amount of time, pretending like there was no problem? Do I keep trying to make anything hoping he will eventually eat something? Am I to become a short order cook? Does he grow out of this? Should I just continue to give him the food over and over again until he eats it?

Seriously I have no idea what to do, please any suggestions would be very useful to me. I am about to snap, and I dont want this to end badly for my husband. He gets the brunt end of my anger and I dont know how much longer he will think its cute. Probably not much, because it is starting to bother me. And thats not really a good sign.

HELP!!!

Chocolate Elmo Hawk

2009-05-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

So the other day I came home from work to find my men outside doing yard work.

That is the good part of the story. It goes downhill from there...

T was wearing a toque, and at first I thought nothing of it, the Adam asked T where his hair was which was kinda odd, but didnt really set off alarms in my head until T started making his sign for all gone. I was like WHAT???!!!! T pulled off his toque and his head was shaved into a Chuck Liddell mohawk (from UFC). Cue one very pissed mommy.

So I called my mom and my sister and to make a long story short when I said Chuck Liddell mohawk they both SEPERATELY heard me say a chocolate elmo hawk and both couldnt figure out what I was talking about. My mom was even more pissed than I was. Marie thought it was kinda hilarious, her husband loves it.

It has grown on me now. Even though he has had a full head of hair since the day he was born. The only thing I am not quite sold on is that he now looks like a little BOY. There is absolutely no trace left of my BABY!

Judge for yourselves....

Before

After

Hapy Mothers Day

2009-05-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

This is my 2nd Mothers Day, and it was celebrated by being woken up at 6am by my husband when he got home from work asking what I wanted for a present.

I told him I wanted to go back to sleep.

Thankfully he volunteered more than that. He told me I could book a massage on my next days off. I think I said thanks. I'm not sure. I DID however roll over and go back to sleep.

I havent been sleeping very well lately. There are two reasons, and I'm not sure which of these reasons is more to blame. The first reason is because I am sick (the daycare germs take us all out everytime), and therefore I cannot breathe through my nose. At all. I woke up at one point wondering what that damn noise was. It was my nose whistling. This was before my sinuses attacked and sealed off my nose completely. It is really uncomfortable to make yourself go back to sleep while consciously breathing through your mouth. Especially when your worried about swallowing a spider or something.

The second reason is that there is a frog in my pool somewhere. Imagine yourself just starting to doze off when out of nowhere RIBBIT! You lift your head and look over at your spouse, who also is looking at you, both wondering if you did indeed hear what you thought you heard. You roll your eyes and then lay back down. You lay awake waiting to see if he will do it again. Five minutes pass and nothing, so you start to drift off, dreaming of Colin Farrell, doing things, talking to you in his sexy accent and all of a sudden out if his mouth RIBBIT! You look at him confused, and ask him to repeat himself, sometimes that accent is just really hard to understand, he clears his throat and RIBBIT RIBBIT! As you're watching him he morphs into the ugliest frog you've ever seen and leans closer to your face RIBBIT! And then you wake up. Now you're really pissed off. You can't sleep, and the damn frog ruined a Colin dream.

Fucking frog.

As I think of it, I've decided the frog is worse.

But I can't find it anywhere. If I could that bastard would be served as frogs legs. To hubby; I'm not that adventurous of an eater. But I would enjoy watching him eat it.

Ribbit!

Hope everyone has had a wonderful Mothers Day! Mine was alright, except the terrible twos are kicking my ass! But that's a whole other post.

Ribbit!

Dumb blonde moment

2009-04-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

I was in the batroom the other morning, brushing my teeth with my electric toothbrush, when it died. I seriously stood there for almost a full minute wondering in my head how I was supposed to brush my teeth now.

And then I went DUH you idiot, move your arm.

5am is just way too early for brainwaves to fire anything resembling a cohesive thought.

But at least my teeth were clean.

Confession

2009-04-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

So I disappeared again hey? Well there is a reason for it I swear.

No, it's not because I am taking my Occupational First Aid level 3 course (although it is DAMN hard) and it's not because I am starting a new job the day after my exam (SUPER nervous), and it's also not because Tristan turned two last week and I had a house full of people wo came from all over the country ( although, OMG my baby is TWO PEOPLE and yes all my relatives came to celebrate with us).....

And I am so embarrassed to admit this..........

I forgot my google password. Not just once, like every time I went to blog or comment, I had to reset my password. It was so bad I had this scenario in my head that some person in the google office was laughing hysterically because THIS PERSON is restting her password. AGAIN!!!!!! Haha can you imagne how slow she must be????

And before you all feel the need to tell me its all automated, I KNOW THIS. Rationally I know this. But I couldn't stop that image in my head no matter how much I told myself this.

So I was trying to remember it all by myself, but I gave up.

THEYRE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT ME!

p.s. Tristan pulled the H key off of my keyboard, so if at any point there is an H missing from a word imagine its there. The key is a little temperamental now. You sure realize how common H's are in words when you have to watch to make sure it worked everytime you type one.

Things Hubby said in Mexio

2009-03-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

To the various cabbies and bus drivers

"Do you know Ricky Martin?"
"Do you know Enrique Iglesias?"

"Can I see your licence?" (driver didn't really appreciate that)

"You should move to Canada, it's really great there" (The one man recruiter)

"Do I look like I could pass as a mexican?" (yes)

To random people at the resort

"Come to the stage area at around 1am and we(he and his friend) will be fighting in our tighty whities, with towels tied around our necks." (seriously, and I'm not even slightly kidding)

Nacho Libre and Ray-Mysterio. These masks seriously made their vacation. Hubby was so happy and they were their source of entertainment for the rest of the trip.

A conversation with some random woman outside a bathroom with his mask on his head

"Excuse me, do you speak english?" She says with hand gestures.

"Yeah." Hubby looks baffled

"Do you think you could put your mask on for my son to see?" With more hand gestures, as though he really doesn't speak english very well.

"Sure." Puts mask on, and little boy is soooo happy. Jumps around with glee.

"Thank you so much sir!" with more hand gestures.

"Hey, no problem. I just bought it about 15min ago, for like 17 bucks. I'm so happy."

Blank stare back because she thought he was mexican and part of the staff.

I seriously laughed for a good twenty minutes.

While really drunk to his friend

"Oh, I don't need no pussy-ass medication to not have sea-sickness. I'll be fine, I don't get sea sick. If you get sick I will give you a life jacket and let you swim to shore. You ain't wrecking my fishing trip."

Which, turns out he did need it and does get sea sick. Although apparently the "pussy-ass" medication didn't work, because he got sick too. Hubby puked so forcefully he burst all the blood vessels in his face. Thankfully his friend didn't do that to his face, only slept the whole day, because he got married the next day.

To me

"Are you drunk because my mom has Tristan today?" (yes, very muchly so. was not happy about the situation at all. was EXTREMELY drunk before 11 am that day.)

"You know it's not a good sign when (on the bus for our Coba Adventure Excursion) there are two 80 year old women. Not looking very Adventurous."

To the tour guide when booking said excursion

"So is there beer included in this price?"

"No, because yo will be climbing the ruins, they don't really want you to be toasted."

"Oh, so I should just bring my own then?" (he did)

Some things never change. Hubby will continue to be my very own source of entertainment until the day one of us dies. And it better be him to go first, because the universe will have alot of explaining to do if I die first.

Rainy Days...

2009-02-28T19:40:00.000-08:00

So in January Hubby and I went to Mexico for a week for our "belated honeymoon". It wasn't actually our honeymoon, but it was in the sense that this was the first trip we had taken together since we got married. (Except Jamaica, but 8 Mos pregnant on vacation doesn't count)

We decided to leave Tristan in Saskatchewan with the parents (WHOLE OTHER STORY!). We had fun, really, but we missed him sooooo badly. More so because the resort we went to was so family oriented and was totally kid friendly. Next time we will bring him for sure.

We had planned this trip with another couple over a year ago, so when it finally was time to go it was really exciting. They got there two days before us because we couldn`t get work schedules to line up. They got sunshine those wo days. However as soon as we got there the clouds and wind rolled in and seriously, didn`t let up until THE MORNING WE LEFT! Seriously, we were sitting in the airport and as the sun came out (we left our hotel at 4AM to get to airport for our 8 am flight)the day dawned bright and clear and fucking gorgeous. I was so pissed I was coming back to Canada without a tan.

It wasn`t all bad because before we left at christmas time, my friend phoned me and told me she was going to get married while we were there. SO MUCH FUN!!! I was stoked, we were gonna get so drunk and have so much fun making up for sober Jamaica. THEN, when I get there, she informs me she can`t drink, she`s three months pregnant. Again, so happy for her. Bummed for me though. But it was alright, I drank with the guys when I felt like it. It seriously rained the day of her wedding, so we were scared she wasn`t gonna be able to get married on the beach. But all was fine.

We did still have fun, we went on a pirate cruise, and went to Coba and climbed the pyramid thingy, and went zip-lining, kayaking, rappelling, and cave swimming. It was actually kinda fun. Anway, this post is getting kinda long, so I will continue to tell the individual stories of things throughout the week. With pictures.

And also with a warning as to why you should never practice archery while sober! For serious.

Jackass

2009-02-26T23:48:00.000-08:00

So we got from Sears today, my sons new big boy bed. It is the twin size Fisher Price Lightning McQueen car bed. He loves it soo much now, it ridiculous.

Setting it up though, sucked the life out of me.

Well, that comes off wrong. Setting it up was fine. It was easy. Setting it up with my husband; was hell. I dont understand sometimes how we can be married for almost 5 years and I haven't killed him, chopped him up in a wood chipper, and fed him to some pigs (I don't have pigs, but I'd find some...). First he was pissy because it was plastic. Don't know why, but he thought it was going to be wood. So, strike one against fun afternoon. Then he was upset because the crib was still in the room so we didn't have much room to work with. Whatever, I wasnt going to just have the crib disappear on T-baby. I wanted to give him a grace period of getting used to it before I removed his regular sleep spot. Also part lazy because if he REFUSED to sleep in it I wasnt going to re-set up his crib. Strike two, things didn't go his way. Strike three was just that T-baby cried from our bedroom the whole time instead of sleeping. So we were both slightly on edge. We aren't used to him crying for any period of time, he's usually a very co-operative baby.

So then when we first brought in T-baby, he wan't really that impressed. He was cranky. But then he warmed up to it and was jumping on the bed. However by that time I had ranked this experience a giant FAIL and was in a bad mood because the male folk ruined my excitement.

But this is still pretty awesome...

Revenge is a dish best served cold...

2009-02-19T22:55:00.000-08:00

So as I mentioned yesterday I had originally been royally pissed off at an author named Rebecca.

She and I had met in Calgary, after we had been discussing my mother in law and her shennanigans at my wedding through our blogs. Go back and follow the threads, you'll see what I mean. It actually started with her commenting on how my wedding was unbelievably ruined by my MIL, and that it would make a good book.

So I emailed her back asking if she knew the best way to go about getting a book published, and she offered to help write the book with me. I was so happy I cried. I have NEVER cried out of happiness, before or since and I have since had a kid. Judge me if you will, but I was unbelievably happy. So we continued to email each other, and she gave me the guidelines for writing a successful book proposal, as per her agent.

Joyously I wrote it all, and we conferred on things like book titles, and possible chapter headings. She told me not to tell anyone about it, because someone might find out our idea and steal it from us. That should have been my first warning flag. I went along with it. When we finally met in Calgary, I had completed the book proposal and gave the finished copy of it to her. When I returned home, I went to her blog and saw that she had written a post about our meeting, and this should have set alarms off in my head, but again I stupidly trusted her. Listening to her talk and how cavalier she was about the meeting, and about how she thought I might have been a crazy person, so she wanted to meet in public. I was fairly disappointed and wondered why she would portray me as some sort of fan-girl she obliged by meeting up with. Because she was discrediting me to anyone from the publishing world who might have been reading. That's what I think anyway. Call me crazy if you want, but that's what I think.

Anyway, so I waited. And waited and waited. And never heard anything from her for a while. So I pestered her with emails until she responded. And it wasn't good news for me. Her agent loved the idea of a book on inlaws, but apparently she was under contract to not write anything with another author, because I was an unknown. It made sense to me at the time, but now just sounds pathetic. To make things worse, she told me that she would continue shopping it around if it was ok with me, and if anything came of it, I would be asked to write a foreword to it. Might not be paid much, but would help me get my foot in the door of the publishing world. Of course I eagerly said yes, anything to help me get started as an author.

She took my permission and ran with it. I haven't heard from her since, and this was like three years ago. I guess you could say that maybe nobody bought into the idea, and she just moved on to other things. True, and she probably did since nothing has come out with her name on it about inlaws. However, it might just be that she has since split with her fiancee and maybe, a book on inlaws from someone who has no inlaws might be redundant. And hilarious.

I still have all the email correspondence between the two of us. My mom, the ever trusting soul that she is (haha) warned me that maybe I should still keep everything from her, just in case I got screwed. Glad I took moms advice this time.

Guess which "famous" author named Rebecca this is, and I will inform you if you are correct. That's your prize, I hope that's enough, because obviously I am not a published author, therefore I am not swimming in money to hand out. I basically gave up writing after the reality of being screwed over sank in. But still dream of it occasionally... maybe one day I'll start again.

Now how to get the word out to those in the right places so maybe she will never do this again?

WHAT UP BITCHES!!!

2009-02-18T22:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok, I know I haven't posted in almost two years now, so I realize that I am officially talking to myself on a public forum. Which is fine. If I think nobody is listening I am probably more inclined to say what I really think. Unless I dont know you, in which case feel free to comment, I am still a comment whore.

Hmmmmm, where to start? Not much is new, my son is now almost two, and I live somewhere else. But I wont tell you where.

He doesnt really talk much, and we have an appointment with a speech pathologist in a few weeks. I'm not really worried per se, but I think that it can't really hurt anything to have an evaluation. Right? I mean I know, all kids talk at their own pace and I didnt really talk until I was 4 but I guess I am neurotic, so he will be evaluated. At worst it will be a day spent playing in an office with some new toys. Can't be that bad.

He really is the cutest kid ever if I must say so myself. I am almost ready to start trying for another kid. But I have a friend who has been trying for over a year now and if I were to get pregnant I think she would push me down the stairs. For reals. She is trying to get her doctor to prescribe her some fertility pills, but so far hasnt workd for her. Her Dr told her she needed to lose around 10-15lbs which I think is ridiculous. She's not overweight by any stretch of the imagination.

Which then leads me to admitting that if she DOES get fertility pills I want to buy a cycle off of her. Because my husband only wants one more kid, and I want two. I also want a girl badly, so this increases my chances of getting what I want. If I have twins, one is sure to be a girl right? JK. I know that having twins doesnt increase my chances of having a girl any more than being pregnant twice does. A girl can dream can't she?

Anyhow, my last post was referencing a "famous" author named Rebecca. Figure it out. Write me a comment if you want to know what she did. If two people comment me I will inform the world what was done to me.

TTYL!

Best laid plans

2007-05-30T18:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things just don't go quite like you planned. Like this for example. I had planned on writing a very long inciteful, thought provoking post to keep your interst and to make you think for while I was gone. Something filled with gossip about another blogger of whom I know you all read too. Something top secret, and potentially reputation hurting for her.

However I can't. Hubby is standing over my shoulder right now waiting to pack up the computer. I had hoped to have another day with it. But sometimes I'm not in charge. I know that's hard for y'all to believe but there it is. I like to let him have his manhood occassionally. How kind of me I know.

So I guess you guys will just have to wait with baited breath for me to come back to hear my gossip. Haha.

As penance heres Tristan

LOOK! Shiny

2007-05-28T15:22:00.000-07:00

Ummm, so I guess I've been neglecting you guys lately.

I'm sorry. Truly.

Unfortunately, it's only going to get worse for like the next month. You see, I'm moving again. And once again I will have no phone or (gasp) internet for a month. However I don't really feel like writing the final post to be up for that month yet, so here, be distracted by pictures of Tristan. I promise I'll be back before the end of the month.

Just chillin', figuring out his playmat

Rolling over. Seriously, 1 month and 4 days old. Can't believe it.

Bath time. He's loving it.

If there isn't enough stress in my life...

2007-05-17T14:10:00.000-07:00

So since I've last posted life has been really interesting.

As you all know, or at least I think you do, we have sold our house and bought a new one. However we couldn't manage to get posession dates to line up so we are out of a house for a month. De ja vu anyone? Only this time now we hve a newborn.

I was beginning to think that I was gonna have to take the baby and the dogs and the cat and drive to Saskatchewan for a month. However two days ago we found a furnished place to rent. Yay. But now we have two moves to contend with. At least we can just put our stuff in storage for the month.

And to top it all off, the most stressful part of this whole situation is the hospital stay for a week we just went through. but I would've given anything to have had me be the reason for it. Unfortunately, it was Tristan.

We went in for a routine check up and wound up getting sent to the hospital and then sent to another hospital in an ambulance. His oxygen levels were in the 70's when they should be in the 90's. So we get there and I am forced to endure watching him get a heel stick.

And then I wait for the pediatrician to get there.

And wait.

Three hours later he shows up.

Tristan has laryngeal malacia. Which means his larynx is not formed properly. It is soft instead of rigid. Which means when he eats he cant swallow and breathe at the same time like most babies. So he was choking when he tried to eat, so he would get just enough and then go to sleep. So he was losing weight which is what tipped me off that something wasnt right. His oxygen levels were so low because he was screaming for so long and holding his breath.

This is something that he will just grow out of, and there is nothing we can really do for it except modify how he's held while feeding. Which has to be done by bottle now. Which sucks. But whatever's best for him.

He was weighed today and he is now 7lbs and 15ozs. So he has gained back all he lost and more. At quite an astounding rate.

So all is good now. And thats what I've been doing.

Here is the most heartbreaking picture you will ever see.

He hates travelling so he cried in the ambulance the whole way there. And i died inside a little every time a tear fell.

Disappearing Act

2007-04-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

So I kinda just disappeared there for a bit hey?

Well it's been a very interesting couple of weeks anyway.

My parents showed up on April 7th and we all started waiting (im)patiently for the little bugger to make his arrival. And of course he has a stubborn streak so he kept us waiting. But my dads threats about chasing me with the truck to get my labor going were starting to sound like he actually would. So I took matters into my own hands and insisted that I be induced. Immediately.

Things were all set to go for wednesday morning.

However Tuesday night my dad and husband decided they were going to go rock picking up the mountain. Drunk. About an hour later they came back looking sheepish. I knew something was up immediately. Turns out they went up somewhere they shouldn't have and had to slide down the hill on their asses. Well my dad slid funny and would up barrell rolling down the hill and somehow sliced the palm of his hand. Deep. Deep enough that it didn't hurt. Might've also had something to do with the whiskey.

So we load into the truck to head to the hospital. While we are waiting my dad is 'exploring' his hand to see just how bad it is. He grossed out the nurse and one doctor, that's how bad it was. Anyway, they had to call in extra nurses because of how busy it was and the surgeon to stitch his hand.

Then the doctor who is supposed to be doing my induction the next day pulls me aside to tell me that I may get bumped because they will be short staffed the next day because of how busy it was. In other words because of my dad. Boy was I mad.

Anyway the next morning rolls around and thankfully the still attempt the induction. I am inserted with a cervadil strip, and it hurt because the Dr. has short fingers. So I get strapped up to the monitor and have to wait for an hour before I can go.

Before I can leave they inform me that I am to come back in if my contractions become regular or my water breaks. If not, then the next morning they will start me on the pitocin drip. So I'm off to spend a night in agony with contractions not quite regular and no water breaking. I go in the next day expecting to be admitted only to learn that one of the surgeons has gone out of town so there is no c-section back up (or epidural) so they cannot continue with the induction.

Cue very mad angry pregnant woman.

So after hours of fucking around I finally convince the Dr. on call that I will be having this baby if I have to cut him out myself. So I am sent to another hospital about an hour away. Which is fine by me. Just get him out.

Off we head to EKRH on friday morning (couldn't go in on thursday because he was already inducing 3 other women. Which sounded promising to me) to be there at 8 am.

I am now settled into my room which is nothing more than a glorified closet because I am not officially in labour so I get the assessment room. In walks my new Dr. Now I should point out that I had a female Dr my whole pregnancy and had been quite set on a female dr. But I guess if you are desperate it doesn't matter anymore.

The guy is gorgeous. At least 6'5" tall, blonde hair blue eyes, south african accent. Giant hands. Even hubby is eyeing him up. It's obvious he doesn't want this man looking at my hooha.

He sits down to go over everything with me and flat out tells me there is no way I have gestational diabetes. Good to know. So i go over all my medical history with him and tell him about some problems I had been having. So he looks at myswelling and immediately orders some tests to be run. He informs me that my Dr is an idiot and that this is a high risk pregnancy because of my heart condition and that with the severity of my swelling he believes that i may have pre-eclampsia. Which I suspected for a while, but my Dr. didn't seem worried.

Test come back to show that my liver is shutting down. I was right. IT was pre-eclampsia not just an over indulgence of food that had me looking like a whale.

Anyway, another go of cervadil to see if that gets us anywhere. That night the contractions were so bad that I had to have a shot of morphine to get some sleep that night. Adam slept right through the pain I was in. I was rubbing my own back it hurt so much. I wanted to smother him. And shots in the ass hurt really badly, btw.

Next morning Dr Hottie walks in and next thing I know, there is a gush of fluid and eeeewww! He broke my water. No warning at all. He says alright, lets get you moved into another room and we'll start the pitocin drip shortly. Out he walks. I am a bit surprised, things are now moving very quickly and I want my mommy. Adam gets on the cell and calls them at the house. I tell them to hurry the fuck up and get here.

The contractions are ridiculously strong and I cant even talk through them. Adam is putting so much counter pressure on my back he's complaining that his hands hurt. Which nearly gets him killed. I am holding off on the epidural until my mom gets there and I swear they are taking their sweet ass time about it.

My nurse for the day is a sadistic bitch and I hate her with every fiber of my being. When its finally time for the epidural the guy asks if I can sit up or just roll onto my side so he can insert the needle. Bitchface says to him 'oh she can get up, she just doesn't like to' and proceeds to reef me upright. On the wrong side of the bed so I have to move twice. Through killer contractions. And then she kept trying to move me during my contractions to arch my spine. And she wasn't doing it right either so after being forcibly held in an uncomfortable position through three contractions the anesthesiologist informs her that my back isn't curved out enough. So I give my mom a look and she brushes the nurse away and helps me do it properly.

Two hours pass and I LOVE the epidural man. Dr. Hottie comes in checks that it's time to push. He informs me that I have one hour to get him out or its c-section for me because they are worried about my heart, and also now his heart rate has started to drop through the contractions. Down into the 60's and I'm starting to get really worried.

AFter some time of pushing and not a whole lot of progress my mom is like "come on Cindy that was a good one! I can see his head! PUSH PUSH!" The Doctor looks at her and says "Don't lie to her you can not." And I giggle a little inside my head because she got busted lying.

Time is running out on the clock and I'm being told that he is going to use the vaccuum to try and help. He gets it attached and uses it through one push. Not a whole lot of progress after that and I hear him telling the nurses to bump a surgery because I am going to be heading in pretty quickly. Now at this point I should tell you that I can feel everything going on down below and I am not happy. Two good pushes later and out comes his head. Without the help of the vaccuum ( I caught him off guard) and he's telling me not to push for a minute (Adam later tells me his cord was around his neck) and then out he comes.

Dr. Hottie plops him on my chest and I'll be perfectly honest here when I tell you I was thinking eeew! he's slimy and bloody get him off me. But I held him like a good mommy. The cord was cut and they took him away to clean him up and I could tell Adam was torn between staying with me and seeing his son. So I sent him to go look at his son while I got stitched. It was so bad that the doctor wouldn't tell me how many stitches I got. My mom counted about 10. But as I mentioned before, the epidural had worn off so I was very vocal about wanting something now to make me not feel this please. But even with a local anesthetic I could still feel it. Adam takes this point in time to joke with the doctor "So I'll see you in 9 months" the doctor looks at him and is like "come on give your wife a break. 10 months" And I want to kick them both in the head.

Tristan Adam

7lbs 60z

20 inches tall

36 centimeter head thank you very much.

adam said after watching labor I could name him whatever the hell I wanted. Haha I got my way.

His Apgar scores were 9 and 10. I surprised dr. hottie by knowing what that was.

Finally

2007-03-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

No, not the baby. I'm still pregnant. I think I will be forever. At least it feels that way. What I mean is that our house is finally done being renovated and is now on the market. We had our first showing today.

It apparently went awesomely. They want to know how soon of a posession date is possible. And we have two more viewings scheduled for Friday and Saturday. Hopefully we wind up with a bidding war. That would rock.

Ummm, what else... mymom ordered me my crib. Wont get it until July. Thats right 4 months from now. Great. I ordered my stroller and car seat. Wont get it until April 14th. So I have no idea how we'lll get him home from the hospital without one. (we won't) No, I'm not stressed at all. I've only been waking up with migraines every morning because I have been sleeping with my teeth clenched. But stress? Nah. I've got none of that.

Except the fact that today my son tried to scare the fuck out of me by refusing to move at all, all day. Despite the fact I ate super amounts of sugar trying to wake him up (great for the gestational diabetes). SO I went to the Dr to get checked out, and his heart rate is fine (slower than normal for him but still good). I go for a non-stress test at the hospital tomorrow. Hopefully everything checks out, but my Dr didnt seem too worried.

My mom says its a sign that hes going to be coming soon. I'm not sure how I feel about that. BECAUSE I AM NOT READY FOR IT. But at the same time I am.

Nothing else new at this point so... I will keep you all posted.

also THIS JUST IN WE HAVE AN OFFER ON THE HOUSE!

Fine then

2007-03-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I 've finally given in and taken some pictures of me. These were taken at 36 weeks 3 days. Today. My head is not pictured because I look like crap today. Yes, my mirror is dirty. No, I don't care.

The little bugger gets bigger and bigger every single day. I cannot wait for him to come out. Only, yes I can because I am so not ready for him to come yet. I have for him so far a swing, a tub, clothes and...roughly that's it. My mom has said she was ordering me a crib, but I have yet to see it. So if he is born anytime soon he will be sleeping in his swing.

So Sarah, this post is for you. Bribe me and ye shall receive. Sears is also fine, yes there is one here and actually I registered there. I was promised a shower by someone here and she never actually came through even though she told every one that she was going to do it. So I made a registry for nothing. Or for my benefit I guess. Whatever.

Enjoy the pictures. Don't laugh too hard. And if you do, don't tell me.

My poor poor tattoo. It didn't know what it was in for. You can also see that my belly button is popped. Pretty.

An open letter

2007-03-15T21:31:00.000-07:00

To the old man in the purple car with veterans licence plates;

Dear sir,
Thank you for everything you sacrificed in going to war for our country. It is very much appreciated and I mean that. From the bottom of my heart.

However, it is generally not accepted practice to pull out onto a highway in front of a car going highway speed, and not having looked. I really thought it was fun to have to swerve into the ditch to avoid hitting you since you were aimed at my side of the car.

You should consider yourself very lucky that I am 8 MONTHS pregnant, otherwise I would have destroyed your car (and mine for that matter) and not have cared at all about how much that would scare the crap out of you.

You are also very lucky to have not pulled over and stopped at all before I turned to go to my Dr's appoinment, otherwise I would've got out of the car and reamed you a new one. And with my temper lately, you wouldn't have wanted that. I can be one scary bitch. Ask my husband.

I also really enjoyed that since my horn doesn't work, you didn't even know that you nearly killed a pregnant woman. Didn't even know I was there. So, thank you.

Asshole.

*****************************
I used to be very lenient towards old people keeping their licences. Especially those who put their lives at risk in the war to protect our country. Veterans had a special place in my heart and I felt we should give them a little leeway.

I can stand the slow driving, lack of signal use, and occasional lane weaving. However when they pull out across a lane of traffic onto a highway in front of a car going 100km/hr and never even notice, there are some steps that need to be taken against your right to hold a driver's licence.

Just because you risked your life many many years ago, does not mean you now have the right to risk my life and that of my unborn child. And everyone else on the road for that matter.

*****************************
PS As you can tell, I made it back from Jamaica without incident, and am still incubating this little parasite.

PSS As you can also probably tell, I am so done being pregnant at this point. His eviction notice has been served.

Jamaica, Mon!

2007-03-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

I leave for Jamaica tomorrow!!! Okay well I actually leave for Calgary tomorrow and then fly out on Sunday, but whatever.

I am nervous about how my animals will take being in a kennel as they've never done that before. I am also worried because we already started to pack up the house a bit and that freaked them out pretty good, so I hope they don't think they've been abandoned.

I suppose I'll get over it though.

Anyway, I am not happy about the way the alterations to my bridesmaid dress turned out. It looks like a tent. Seriously. Adam saw it and asked why Marie picked such ugly dresses. I had to tell him that it wasn't the dress's fault. It was his. He didn't like that very much, and informed me that I was there too. Whatever, plausible deniability. I can claim I dont remember. He REALLY didn't like that.

So I should get back to packing and such. Just wanted to let you all know I won't be posting for a week. Not that that is all that out of the ordinary for me these days. Everyone have a good week and wish me luck that I dont go into labor.

End of an Era

2007-02-21T14:56:00.000-08:00

So, I've broken down and finally done it.

I'm kinda upset about it though. Adam thinks it's funny, and had been bugging me to do it for a while now.

I've taken out my belly ring.

Well to be perfectly honest, the decision was made for me.

By the screen door. I was opening it to go inside and it got caught on the handle and ripped out. Didn't rip the hole, but broke the ring in half and scratched a big line across my stomach. It looks really pretty.

And Fuck, did it hurt. I damn near dropped to my knees on the deck. I must've scared the crap out of Adam because he came running to see why I screamed. I think he thought I was in labor.

Which at this point I would be so ready for. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. I do not think I can last another 6 weeks and 4 days. Although, I will ask that he stay in there for at least another three weeks, so I can go to Jamaica. That would be very much appreciated from him. (Did you hear that baby? Stay put for 18 more days, at least.)

Holy crap, we leave for Jamaica in 10 days. I cannot believe that. I'm excited, but not at the same time. Hard to explain...

But that's a whole other post.

Happy Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T12:15:00.000-08:00

So it's Valentines day and I'm here all alone because Hubby is away at work and won't be home until tomorrow. But yesterday he bought me a dozen roses, a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates and a giant card. So I guess I can't really complain too much.

Anyway on a completely unrelated subject, I failed my glucose Tolerance test on Friday, so there is a good chance I have gestational diabetes. I only failed by .2 , so not by much. They like to see under 7.8 and I got 8. Oh well, now I get to go see a dietician.

The test itself wasn't that bad. They make you drink a drink that is essentially orange drink like from Mc Donalds but with EXTRA sugar. And then you aren't allowed to walk around for an hour and then they take your blood. We got bored in the waiting room just sitting there, and we wanted to take a look around the maternity ward. So hubby went and got a wheelchair and pushed me around the hospital. Our maternity tour lasted all of 5 minutes and there was like three rooms. All were empty. and so was the nursery. Which is kinda funny because I was worried about maybe having to get a private room, but seriously. I will probably be the only person in the whole ward.

Thats all I know for now, so I've got to go paint some things so we can put our house up for sale. Because we are moving. Again. Yay! This was the thing I wasn't allowed to talk about before because nothing was for sure at that point.

Insomnia

2007-02-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

You know how when you are soooo tired and you lay down and ... then you just lay there. For hours on end staring at the ceiling, watching the minutes tick by on the clock. I have been doing that for at least the last week and a half. Never fail, all night. Maybe getting like 2 hours of sleep.

Well finally I slept great last night. I modified my leg pillow situation. I had been using one pillow between my legs (to keep my hips even) and that just wasn't cutting it anymore. I now sleep with two pillows, big pillows between my knees.

It was HEAVEN! I swear to you, I have never been so grateful to wake up in the morning. Well rested. Now I have no excuse to get out of doing housework. Dammit. Oh well, I guess I'd better go do those dishes that have been in the sink now for like 3 days.

Hopefully I will be able to sleep again tonight, cause now that I know it can be accomplished I can't go back to sleep deprivation. I just can't.

And it's a...

2007-02-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

Baby!!!

Haha, aren't I funny? Okay, but in all seriousness, it's a beautiful baby BOY!

He wouldn't cooperate for a 3d picture of his bits, but we got a regular one to show the hubby. No he couldn't come because I didn't want to subject the dogs to another 12hours of driving in a day. (I only came down for the day, it was a very quick trip. To the appointment and then home)

Needless to say hubby was very VERY excited to learn that 'he' was having a boy. He thinks he's the man because two of his brothers have kids and they both had girls.

Baby is currently about 3lbs and 2ozs and the utlrasound tech was predicting an 8lb baby. OUCH!! Come on, seriously I was a 6lb baby. Why does my little man have to be so big?

Baby is also very active and wouldn't stop moving through the whole ultrasound. He kept reaching for his feet and at one point had his big toe in his nose. His mouth was constantly open (taking after daddy already) and he even gave us the finger (also like daddy).

Now to talk him out of naming the baby Junior. And I wish I was kidding. Now I need to go lay down, I seem to have been infected with this flu that's going around (yay, thanks hubby)

Best Day Ever...

2007-01-25T14:56:00.000-08:00

Oh, right sarcasm doesnt print very well.

So you know how I was in Saskatchewan for a month? I was there that long waiting for my dad to fix my car. I loved it. Custom paint color and everything. Made to look like it was a Z24, when it was simply a cavalier.

Can anyone guess where this is going?

That's right everyone, my car was in an accident last night. Well, I guess I was too. I hit a fucking deer. In town. Going 10km under the speed limit even. Although in the interest of full disclosure, the bastard ran into me. Drivers fender. It looks really pretty now.

I have had my car back for 9 days. My dad has had it for over a year, and seriously not even two weeks back, it gets wrecked. Can you fucking believe my luck?

Seriously though, I blame my dad. This is because he called me every day to see if I'd wrecked my car yet. He jinxed it. Even he thinks so. At least they didn't tell my brothers yet, cause I don't think I would be able to handle the harassing.

The part that really had me crying is that just yesterday I had made an appointment in Calgary at a 4d ultrasound place and wasn't sure I would still be able to go. I've decided I'm still going. Cause if I didn't take that appointment they wouldn't be able to get me in until the end of February. And that just wasn't cool with me.

Can you guys imagine how the phone call with my dad went last night? Hi dad, guess what? I just fucking wrecked my damn car! How does this make you feel? Honestly though, I was too chicken shit to talk directly to him so I told my mom. Apparently he had to go lay down and cuddle his dog and tell him his problems.

PS Sarah, my parents have another dog now, my dad found a puppy the day I left. So Parker has a new little brother (rolls eyes). Another dog hitting the fucking jackpot in life.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-24T12:21:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm a little late, but better late than never right?

I have been back home now for about a week and a half, so yes I've been being lazy. I was back in Saskatchewan for almost a month, and am a little glad to be home. Needless to say Hubby is happy for me to be home. He literally lost five pounds while I was gone. And was feeding the poor cat dog food cause he ran out of cat food. The cat was REALLY happy to see me.

My family spoiled the shit out of me for christmas. I have more maternity clothes than most people have regular clothes. It's great to fit comfortably into clothes. I definitely look pregnant now, and am having a hard time not bumping into people with my belly. My mom kept saying that my baby was going to be born with brain defects if I keep banging into things with it.

My little brother kept telling me that my baby was going to be born hard boiled because I sat in the hot tub a couple of times. Dont worry I was careful to not let myself get too hot. And I had my Dr's okay as long as I was careful.

My mother-in law tried to kill me. Literally. Okay maybe it wasnt on purpose, but the best I can say is MAYBE. We went there one night for dinner and she fed us seafood. That was all she made, and I wasn't going to ask her to make anything else since we dont really get along. So to tide me over until we could get back to my parents house, I ate a few pieces. Then later on she mentioned that some of the pieces had been cooked a week earlier and she simply heated them up. Uh-oh. Not only was I eating seafood, but leftover seafood. I was fine for about a day after, minus the swollen feet. But the day after that, christmas, I was so sick. I couldnt eat anything all day and was swollen everywhere. And I had not swelled up at all prior to this (or after btw), so I was a little worried. And then the puking came. Hubby simply rolled over and pretended to be asleep (thank you very much), so I went to sleep in another room so as not to disturb him because he had to drive back home the next day. I have never puked that much my entire life. Ever. I was so sick I couldnt keep water down. I was so thirsty and all I could do was suck on a freezie. I kept half of it down. But eventually I got better. Although I had a tendency to cough till I puke. Which was fun. So yay, thanks for trying to kill me Janet. You almost succeeded.

Anyway, I'm really glad to be home. I promise I will try to get back into posting regularly.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-20T20:42:00.000-08:00

Well this will be my final post for the year. I am leaving tomorrow for Saskatchewan and probably wont be back until the new year.

I finally had to remove my belly ring. It was starting to catch on everything and was infected because of that. Eeew, I know. I was very reluctant to have it taken out. It has been a part of me since I was 15 years old. Almost ten years. I plan on putting in a gold hoop once I get home, but until then I feel naked. Stripped. When I look at my stomach it really doesnt look like mine now. Another part of me I never really was expecting to change. Or for it to bother me so much. I expected to be one of those lucky girls who can wear their belly rings until the end. It was a lofty hope I guess. I hope it doesnt close up on me cause I know I will never get it pierced again. Too much of a sissy.

I have some strech marks forming on one side of my love hamdles. Just one side, thanks for the symmetry. My mom never got any strech marks at all. She had four kids, so I guess I was also hoping to take after her instead of her sisters for once in my life. An even loftier hope you could say. But a hope none the less. One that has been shattered already. I knew that this pregnancy would change my body. I just dont think I ever really stopped to think how I would take it. I guess I just assumed it would come easily as just a fact of life. I never thought about how I would take the just looking fat stage (which I am still in thank you). It affects you more than you'd think. It bothers me when you can see women passing judgment on you when they look at you and see only a fat woman. A slob. They think 'that would never be me; how could she let herself look like that; she should be going to the gym' and it makes me want to scream at them "dont judge me I'm pregnant." I dont want them to think mean things about me. But I know they are. I have been that woman. I know better now. It doesn't feel good. And it makes me ashamed for all those years I was the overly judgmental bitch. Forgive me.

Anyhow, this post has gotten quite sappy and oh poor me. So I will say this Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all my (what like 5?) readers and I will see you all next year once I have been spoiled rotten by my family. What? Isn't that what christmas is about? No? Oh well. Too bad.

So So Very Sick

2006-12-15T11:50:00.000-08:00

Hi all!

I am sick. Which will come as no surprise to anyone because seriously, I am always sick. If anyone even thinks that they are sick and come near me, I will get whatever they think they have. It's really a fascinating phenomenon. For everyone but me.

My husband, the bastard, never EVER gets sick. We were discussing this the other day. He figured that since I was pregnant with his child, said child would maybe be so kind as to help mommy get better quicker.

I laughed.

And then I had to explain to him that his child is a tiny little parasite, sucking any and all available vitamins and minerals and nutrients from me. Leaving only the smallest amount of said goodness left to keep me alive. And just barely.

I have no voice. Well, that's not entirely true. You know how people who have a scratchy throat say that they have a frog in their throat? I have a frog, only she is a chain-smoking, whiskey drinking whore who stays up all night partying in the most smoke filled bars she can find.

I've obviously put alot of thought into this.

I've been drinking so much water to keep my thraot hydrated that yesterday when I started coughing uncontrollably, I threw up water all over the living room floor. I just know you all wanted to hear that. Then I had to clean it up by myself because there is no mommy nearby for me to cry to and make clean my puke. Thankfully it was pure water, but still.

Anyway, I seem to be going through a hot flash right now and need to get off the computer to go stand outside so I will stop sweating. Seriously, I joke with my husband that this isn't a baby inside me, somehow he must've managed to implant a boiler in there.

There is a Reason

2006-12-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

I promise. For why I haven't been posting as much lately (I figured I'd best elaborate on that first sentence, in case you can't read my mind)

However I cannot get into it just yet. I know that if I try to allude to things going on I will wind up spilling the beans on it, and then get myself in trouble with the Mister. No it has nothing to do with the baby, everythings fine that way.

So for now you guys will just have to settle with this inane post comprising of all the things I have been meaning to turn into real posts, but am much too lazy for all of that.

Here goes.

1. The bitch is gone. We sent her home on Monday. Damage incurred? Every carpet in our house needing to be scrubbed and steamed to within an inch of its life because we werent told she wasnt housebroken. (thank you very much) Seriously she pooped in the house 3 times one day. Once right after I brought her back in from the yard. Damn near killed her. And? She dug up our spare mattress. Covered with giant holes. That was an especially nice surprise. This was not worth it at all since we have no idea wether or not they ever actually figured out how to do it, and if there are puppies from this we are taking the profits from half the litter. So yes Heather, if we do have a litter from this we will make sure you get a black male.

2. I just about hit an elk with my moms truck. Because drunk Adam was pointing in front of me to look at the elk in the field off to the side. Thank you, I think I'll just look at the ones on the highway. I almost had to stop and compose myself because shit, elk are huge and I would've wiped out the front end of a truck I cannot afford.

3. We got our christmas tree. We went into the bush and chopped it down. (by we I mean he, because I sat in the truck and pointed at the trees I wanted him to knock the snow off of so i could see if they were fluffy enough, then laughed as snow landed on his head. And then watched as he dragged it back to the truck. Without offering to help)

4. When you are playing charades with 20 or so drunk women and you are the only sober one, you will kick ass. They will start to get mad at you, and cover your eyes when your teammates are up.

5. Charades isn't nearly as much fun when sober.

6. I am down to one pair of prepregnancy jeans. Although I think they are magic jeans because they are all I have been able to fit into for almost a month. And I have done all my expanding in the last month(in my ASS thank you very much). But it sucks having to wash them every two days and have to wear sweat clothes while they are being washed. If you've ever seen my closet you will understand how it pains me to only have one pair of pants. Dont even get me started on shirts and how they are all now belly shirts, and how much that makes me cringe when I have to leave the house.

7. Adams christmas party is tomorrow night. It's formal-ish. He doesnt understand that if I have nothing to wear we will NOT be going. He also doesn't understand that "just look for something in your closet, there has to be something in there" isn't really an option when you have a basketball inflating inside you.

8. I haven't even started to shop for christmas yet. We were planning on doing it all tomorrow.

9. My stomach sticks out way more when I am tired. When I'm not (tired) and standing up straight (which I rarely do), you almost can't tell that I am five months (and 4 days) pregnant. (so I guess technically I can say I am in my sixth month of pregnancy)(although you will notice that there are no pictures on here so nobody can bust my bubble and say HOLY COW you're big!)(also there are no pictures being taken of me, sooo therefore none to post)

10. I am literally losing my mind here with nothing to do, nowhere to go and seriously no friends. Adam is my only source of entertainment. And as entertaining as he is, he still starts to get on my nerves. That is not a good thing for any involved. Although I guess if I am so bored you'd think I'd post on my blog more often.

Wow, I guess this is the most I've posted on here in a very long time. Yay for me.

I have a confession

2006-11-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

So this is kind of embarrassing, and I dont think any of you will feel the same way about me after I tell you this. Which I guess is why I've waited so long to bring it up.

I watched this season of the Bachelor.

This was the first time I have ever watched it, please forgive me. But...

He was a Prince dammit, and there was a girl on it who lives only an hour away from here. And Ok, she was sent home fairly early on. But by that point I was addicted.

The socialite was a bit of a trainwreck, and I loved every minute of it. And I also couldnt wait for Lorenzo to realize what a scheming bag Lisa was.

When it came down to Sadie (the virgin (who I wanted to win more than anything)) and Jennifer (the woman whose father threatened Lorenzo with his guns) I thought for sure he was gonna pick Sadie.

But apparently I was wrong.

And I was very pissed off. Maybe to the point that I threw the remote at the tv. Its a good thing I have bad aim, and only hit the wall. Cause boy, would I have been in trouble.

You can all commence bugging me for watching that mindless drivel. But really, what else is there to watch on Monday nights?

Dinner Conversation*

2006-11-28T11:09:00.000-08:00

"Did you fart?"

"No."

"Can you smell that, it smells horrible"

"Yeah, its my breath."

"Are you serious?" (takes big breath as he breathes out)

GAG!

"Oh my god that is your breath, whats wrong with you?"

"It's this buffalo burger. It tastes gross, but I'll eat it!"

A few seconds later the waitress comes over to see if everything is ok. We are still laughing uncontrollably.

*seriously, word for word. you can't make this shit up.

Basic Instinct

2006-11-22T11:08:00.000-08:00

I always used to think that certain characteristics about animals were just instinct. Like marking their territory, showing dominance/submission, loyalty and mating.

Jenny? Does all of those things (okay so she has it a little confused and thinks she is the one to do the humping, but whatever)(and to be perfectly honest I think its hilarious when she humps the boy dogs).

Caesar on the other hand seems to be missing a few instinctual abilities. Unfortunately it is not the marking his territory one. He wanders the yard to all his marking places every day. However in case you were wondering (and I know you are) he seems to have the inability to figure out how to mate. This is a problem because we have a female dobermann staying with us (yeah, I'm real happy about that) who happens to currently be in heat (since we've been waiting like 6mos for it to happen) (so we can neuter caesar, because men have issues about neutering virgin male dogs). And this all seems to have been for nothing because seriously, he is too stupid to figure out what to do.

The closest he's got was dry humping the air near her head. (I just know you all wanted to hear that) She walks around pushing her hooha in his face and he licks her butt. Which annoys her to no end.

And good god are dogs in heat ever annoying. Seriously why couldn't we have just took Caesar to her. Would've made my life alot easier. Jenny's too.

So if any of you out there have any tips to making a stupid male dog figure out what to do, that would be much appreciated. But for now, I'm getting ready to go for my massage. I need to get out of the house.

Happy Birthday to ME

2006-11-16T10:37:00.000-08:00

Yeah, great. So far it has been downright wonderful.

Oh, right, I guess sarcasm doesnt transfer very well into writing.

So far I have been woken up at the crack of dawn by my two wonderful dogs barking their heads off at absofuckinglutely nothing. Only to not be able to fall back asleep.

Then my wonderful husband gets home from work. And promptly starts smoking in the house. Absofuckinglutely wonderful. Not only am I pregnant, but I am also allergic to smoke. He thinks that I can't smell it. So then he thinks that that makes it perfectly acceptable to do whatever the fuck he wants.

Then the fucker goes outside while I am still trying to sleep and starts his skidoo. So in my perfectly reasonable state of mind, I amble downstairs in my underwear and lock him out of the house. It was only for a couple minutes. But it felt good. Dammit.

When I finally let him back in we had a rip snorting fight across the living room. While I was still in my underwear. I felt a little silly, but wasnt about to back down. Our poor dogs were cowering together on the couch. Not that I felt that sorry for them for waking me up at 5am. I told him to fuck the fuck off and go for a skidoo ride. So I went and took a shower only to find out that I am out of conditioner. My wonderful husband with his short hair used it all. And put the empty container back in the shower and never said a word. (I have a couple words for him)

Anyway, today doesnt even feel like my birthday. Wonderful man went out and bought my birthday present yesterday ( I told him if he was planning on buying me anything hed better have bought it before the day of my birthday for once) and promptly had to give it to me because he has no self control. I got a gift certificate for a hot stone massage, and two pillows. That he tried to keep for himself.

But at least my brothers called to say happy birthday. Still havent heard from my sister or my parents. However my mom wont call until 5:35 tonight,cause its technically when I will be older.

I wonder, does this mean that I have to change my profile? Ah, fuck it. I'll get to it later.

Dirty Dirty Mind

2006-11-08T19:06:00.000-08:00

Question: Grandma's are usually wrinkled and drooping...

Sarah: BOOBS!!!!

Ummm no. You pervert.

Happy **th Birthday Sarah!

Hope you have a great day, even if you are stuck working.

*For bonus points here are the rest of the clues: You stick your appendage inside of me; when I'm old, I'm too stretched out to be useful.*

Don't give away the answer to them Sarah.

**Yes Sarah, I posted this the night before. I wanted it to be up when you checked, and lets be honest, I am not a morning person to get up and post before you look. Also you're an hour ahead of me. And you get up like 6 hours before me.**

At least have a birthday drink to celebrate. Even if you won't go to the bar, have one at home. And have one for me too, I will be joining you at **years old in a short week's time.

Haha, you're older than me! Sorry, I couldn't resist.

11 Things I WIsh I Knew Beforehand

2006-11-07T13:29:00.000-08:00

1. Pregnancy is 40 weeks. So 4 weeks a month into 40 is 10 MONTHS PEOPLE! Why does society insist on perpetuating the myth that you are only pregnant for 9 months? (Ok, well in the interest of full disclosure they count in the 40 weeks two weeks when you arent actually pregnant. But seriously? If there is any rounding off being done, why not round up?)

2. People really think its ok to come up and touch your stomach. Why? We dont rub anyone elses stomach why force us to endure that too?

3. You will not feel pregnant for a very long time, so when you notice your pants NO LONGER FIT you will not be happy. And it will equate to you feel fat.

4. Pregnant glow? Not a glow. It is caused by the overproduction of oil on your face, also the reason for all those zits. And on your chest too.

5. Among all other things you have to endure, your nose will be stuffy all the time, and your vision will go too. Also nobody tells you that Vicks Vaporub will contribute to chest zits.

6. Pregnant dreams are not fun dreams all the time. You will torture yourself with dreams of miscarriage, labour with all the pain and no baby, and not knowing your babies sex even after you've had it and people will ask you while you are carrying your baby and you tell them you dont know and still dont think to look. OR violent dreams of murder and vampires (the last one was last night) I am not sure which are worse.

7. Sex dreams.

8. Insomnia. You would think that nature would be nice and let you sleep now. Sure you're tired all the time. Good luck sleeping at night. Your mind goes BOING! and then you are awake and it races until about 3 am. That's how you can tell mother nature must really be a bitch, cause shortly you will be sleep deprived for the rest of your life and yet now, your last chance at good sleep, and you can't. (Some would argue I am all stocked up on it, but whatever.)

9. You will read all the books only to learn that you will most likely poop on the table. In front of people. After all the humiliating things you have to endure now you're telling me I will poop in front of everyone? Thanks alot.

10. Don't ask a pregnant woman how many months she is. She doesn't know. If you pressure her she will tell you in weeks and days. If she tells you in months, she's obviously just guessing. And also rounding up. For instance I am 18weeks 3days. If you want months I will tell you I am 5 months. When really I am in my fifth month. You will not understand this until you are pregnant.

11. You among all other things, will become a clutz. Yesterday I walked into a wire display at the grocery store. Only to be laughed at. You can guess by who. He's not very smart.

Well that's all I can think of right now (pregnant brain) even though I know last night while not sleeping, I had though of more. Feel free to add yours to the comments section.

2006-11-06T13:25:00.000-08:00

Meh! It looked better in person, I'm not very photogenic, and the satiny fabric makes my stomach look bigger than it is. And I'm not just saying that. However on the plus side, holy boobs!

2006-11-06T13:19:00.000-08:00

Finally! Those are radishes for eyes and fake blood for the mouth, the nose of course is carrott. However the last two days it has rained all day, so there is nothing left of our poor snowman. And Caesar peed on him to add the final insult to injury.

Fun Weekend!

2006-10-30T15:57:00.000-08:00

I finally had a fun weekend again! By that I mean we actually did something instead of just staying home.

We went to a halloween party, one where you have to dress up! It was so much fun. I haven't dressed up for halloween since high school at least. We went as Vampires. Hubby got first and I got second. He received a jar of homemade pickles, and I got a jar of plum jam, also homemade.

He seems to think that he is soooo special because he won first. Whatever, I did his makeup so the only reason he looked as good as he did was because of me. Anyway...

Apparently squishing yourself into a corset at 17 weeks pregnant is not something that should be misconstrued as comfortable. Or smart. And when your husband undoes the clasps at the back, be prepared to have it go flying across the bedroom, nearly taking out a dog. Needless to say I only wore it for a few minutes before I couldn't take it anymore and had to change.

AND THEN on sunday night, it SNOWED!!! For the first time this year. It snowed a couple inches and so we took advantage of it and made a snowman. Which I also havent done since I was a kid. I can only imagine our neighbors are thinking to themsleves 'and these two are bringing a kid into the world?'

Our snowman today looks a little lopsided as SOMEONE decided to refuse to acknowledge the fact that my snowball was bigger than his, so it leans. And also kinda looks like a pregnant woman. Oh well. I figure its not too bad for people who havent made one in at least a decade.

*Pictures will be added when blogger decides to cooperate.*

Holy Illegal, Batman!

2006-10-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

I went to an interview on Friday at a motel to do front desk clerk. I have done it before and probably would be the best qualified for it. I have been getting bored at home all by myself lately so I thought I would try to get a job for some extra money and something to do.

Anyway, it was the shortest interview ever. She was really excited about me and getting ready I think to offer me the job, when I decided to tell her I was pregnant, and she looked at me and said "well, I guess I have to tell you you will not get the job. I'm sorry."

I knew that that might happen, but still. It annoys me because it is so illegal. The least she could've done was finish the interview and tell me she would get back to me. Lie to me, tell me there was someone more qualified, I don't care.

Some people just dont get the law.

Baby Tic Tac

2006-10-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

Sixteen Weeks. Babys first picture!

Wood Heat Misery

2006-10-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

This new house has a woodstove, and that is our main source of heat. I cannot take it anymore. There apparently is no middle ground where you are not boiling to death as though you were standing on the surface of the sun. Either the heat is on and you are dying, or it is off and you are freezing to death. Either way you are dead. Or wish you were.

Saying that I am too hot is a big step for me. In our last house Hubby was the Heat Nazi. If you could feel blood circulating, chances are that he would come in and yell at me for it being too hot. People would come over and leave their kids in their winter jackets because it was soooo cold.

I don't know if it is because I am pregnant and have extra blood, enough to bring my circulation to my feet anyway, or if it really is just that hot in here. Hubby keeps getting mad at me because I keep letting the fire go out, but I cannot take it.

Also that is why I don't post so much anymore because the computer is up in the loft and seriously, it is hotter than the surface of the sun up there. And there is nothing that can be done to cool it off up there.

Anyway, I am gonna go try and kill the fire now.

Out of Hand

2006-10-16T16:39:00.000-07:00

These hormones are killing me. Seriously. At this point it's not even funny anymore. Despite the fact that hubby thinks it's cute.

We (okay, I) was watching Jersey Girl on the weekend. Ya know the movie with Ben Affleck and J.Lo, the one where she dies? Anyway in case you haven't seen it, she dies while giving birth to her baby. I was BAWLING like a little baby.

Because she died. While giving birth. Any other time I would be very happy that J.Lo died in a movie. But she died while having her baby. So I was an emotional wreck.

(Hubby was laughing his ass off in the kitchen while making bannock, which in truth, makes me laugh.)

But seriously, I cried when J.Lo died. What is wrong with me? There has to be some way to control this hormone rollercoaster I am on. Cause I enjoy being able to be happy when J.Lo dies.

Hi!

2006-10-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

Long time no speak, huh? This time it was not my fault and I was not just being lazy. I went away last thursday to asscrap village to help my friend who was putting on a psychic fair. I came back monday afternoon to find out that he broke the keyboard. He spilled an entire glass of sprite and vodka on it. It didn't appreciate that so much and shorted out.

So I have been out of a computer for about a week. I was going batshit crazy. Not fun. Anyway...

I had an ultrasound today. The baby was hiding behind my belly button. And also refused to wake up. I am apparently going to have a lazy baby. I kinda hope it sleeps alot. I was poking my stomach trying to wake it up and she was pushing with the ultrasound wand much harder than a woman with a very full bladder appreciates. It did look like the baby was sucking its thumb though. It was pretty awesome to see.

Although it was pretty awesome to pee afterwards too.

Stink Stank Stunk!

2006-09-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

Poor poor Jenny.

I don't know if I told you guys this. We have a skunk. No not as a pet, but as a very unwelcome and unwanted bastard who lives under our porch.

In case you haven't guessed by now, Jenny got sprayed. In the face. Let me say that again for you. In. The. Face.

Right before bed. Someone went outside for one last smoke before bed and took the dogs out. Big Mistake.

She was foaming at the mouth and not happy at all about it. Thankfully it never got Ceasar. But still. We had to give her a bath outside with the hose and tomato soup. which does work by the way.

And unfortunately today the whole house stunk like rancid. So I spent most of the day outside because of course it didnt still stink outside. Man that little bastard Pepe LaPew is going down.

We bought traps and are going to catch him. And kill him. Shut up. I don't want to hear it from anyone. Unless you have been through all this before you have no idea how horrible it is.

Stink-Stank-Stunk!

2006-09-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

Poor poor Jenny.

I don't know if I told you guys this yet. We have a skunk. No, not as a pet. This little bastard lives under our deck. Unwanted, and very unwelcome.

If you haven't figured it out by now, Jenny got sprayed by our little Pepe La Pew.

In her face. It's 10:30 at night. We were planning on going to bed just now, but Someone needed to have another smoke before bed. He took the dogs out with him. Big Mistake.

Seriously, she's foaming from the mouth. Sprayed. In the face.

The smell is unbearable. All the doors and windows in the house were closed and the smell is still so unbeleivable that I want to vomit. It burns my eyes, and brings up the gag reflex.

Poor hubby is giving her a bath outside. He stinks too from touching her. We will most likely have to throw out his clothes. OF COURSE he's wearing good newer unripped jeans. Because of course he couldn't have been wearing old clothes. That would be too easy. Simple even.

Pepe is so going down. I want him shot. Does anybody have the number of Elmer Fudd? Normally I would've been against the shooting of a "harmless" animal but this little bastard has ruined enough evenings and early mornings with his stench. I no longer care wether he lives or dies. I would prefer he dies at this point. And I don't want to hear from anyone "how can you kill such a harmless peaceful creature?" or "There are many easier nonlethal ways to get rid of a pest. Try them" Unless you have ever had to deal with this, shut up. I can be as liberal, hippy and tree hugging as the next person, but I have had it. Seriously, I will shoot the little fucker myself.

Okay I need to go into my bedroom now, the only room in the house where you can't smell the unbeleivable stench of rancid.

WTF?????!!!!

2006-09-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

So I just got off the phone with my mom, and something just makes sense now.

I was REALLY pissed off about the Grey's Anatomy premiere. I was thinking to myself that they had REALLY lost their mojo for season three, and what a crappy way to leave us hanging for what the hell happened to Izzie hours after Denny died?

I was VERY upset that my favourite show had dropped the ball.

Apparently CTV aired the second episode. Now it all makes sense. But now I have to wait until next thursday to see the episode that I had waited all summer to see. VERY disappointed.

If I had known that CTV aired the wrong episode I would've watched it on ABC later on. Nobody had better tell me what really happened on the premiere or I will be really mad.

Are your parents home?

2006-09-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

One of my neighbors stopped by last night to inform me what was going on between her and one of the other neighbors. This guy is trying to take away everyones irrigation rights if they have a well. Fun.

But anyway, she started off on the wrong foot by when I answered the door asking "Are your parents home?"

"Uummm, actually this is my house."

"Oh, you look too young."

I guess I can't get too upset because I use that line whenever telemarketers call or salespeople stop by the house. It just annoys me when people assume things like that.

Maybe I should be grateful that when I get older people will still think I'm younger than I am.

Heehee, she must've thought I was a pregnant teen. Or I guess just a fat one.

Tic Tac's Doctors Appointment*

2006-09-17T21:16:00.000-07:00

So I had my second doctors appointment on tuesday.

It went......ok I guess.

I had my internal exam. That was uncomfortable. Or I guess the word is embarassing. Especially since this was the first time I had met this woman.

She is a very good Doctor. And well she should be, since Beer Town has the highest rate of births per capita in Canada. Due to the polygamist group nearby.

I got to hear the heartbeat. 160bpm, which is supposed to be exactly what it should be. I was so excited to hear it, although disappointed to not get an ultrasound. Which I don't get until around the 20th week. Hubby was really disappointed to have to be at work, so he couldn't hear it too. Oh well.

But what really disappointing me was to learn that I had gained three pounds since my previous appointment. Which yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be gaining weight. But the chart she had up in her office said that average/optimal weight gain in first trimester is 1-2 lbs. I know, it's not that much, but it is still above what the chart says I should. Then when I asked the nurse if that was normal she shrugged and said I don't know. What kinda support is that? Then she said in a condescending tone "Well you'd better get used to it. There's more of that to come." Yes. Thank you. I know, but do I really look like I want to hear that right now? I was already self conscious about my weight to begin with. Now, I know I have to gain weight for the baby, but seriously, do I have to be happy about it? I think not. And you can't make me.

* Tic Tac is our pet nickname for the baby. It came about one day shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I said to Hubby that he had to go into town to get me a blizzard from DQ because the baby wanted it. He looked at me and said "The baby is the size of a tic tac, he doesn't crave anything." From then on, we have called her Tic Tac.

Two steps forward, 6 steps back

2006-09-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

Or why I hate my house.

So last week I think I forgot I had a blog. OR maybe I was just busy doing this: That's right folks, we got rid of that old stinky stained and burned carpet. We put in laminate. We compromised on the color, I wanted maple, he wanted an oak color so we got a birch. So in other words neither of us got what we wanted.

It was an interesting learning experience. Once we got the hang of it though, it was a breeze. And I only had the urge for the first twenty minutes to throw a hammer at his head. He kept yelling at me for doing things wrong when they weren't my fault. I'm not saying it was his fault (yes I am) but it sure as hell wasn't mine. This took us two whole nights because we are lazy asses.

Friday night we were sitting on our couch, congratulating each other on a job well done, when he turns to me and says "Are you doing laundry?" Normally, I would think he was being an asshole when saying that; insinuating that I should be doing laundry, unfortunately I could hear water running too. "No, I'm not" then in unison from the two of us "FUCK" as we run towards the sound of the water.

A pipe burst in between the floors. Water was gushing everyewhere into our laundry closet. Hectic things happened, the water got shut off, and pressure drained until finally we had the problem under control. When we relaxed (ha) enough we realized that water was leaking through the ceiling drywall seams into the dining room (MY TABLE!!!) all over the floor. So we cleaned it up. As best we could considering the ceiling was still leaking.

Oh by the way, notice the walls in the dining room? That was weekend project 06. There is your picture. Finally. Don't notice that the trim isn't done, because eventually we are getting better trim. So I felt there was no point in staining that stuff.

I was going to post a picture of the living room finished, but blogger decided that I am not allowed to. So take it up with him. (you just know blogger is a man because he is a tempramental bitch)

Also last wednesday I went to the dentist (thank you very much, asshole) they did a cleaning and the bastard made my gums bleed everywhere. But at least I didn't pass out.

The Fire/ Moonyass Incident

2006-09-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I gather that everone is getting bored with my stories from Saskatchewan. So this will be my last. Cause these are really the only two that are SUPER funny. I have put them together because they happened on the same night to the same person. And of course that person is my husband.

So again, they had been drinking for like three days straight, all day. We are all just sitting around the fire talking about how cool our $400 dollars worth of fireworks were.

Next thing I know, he starts swaying on his feet and kinda nosedives into Zak's crotchal area, Zak pushes him away and he goes falling backwards into the fire.

And kinda just lays there. Looking around. He has the look on his face of a little kid who has fallen and doesn't know how to react wether to cry or to get up and run away continuing to play.

Anyway, he starts like yelling, "Get me out, get me out!" Zak decides to try and pull him out but looks like he is about to fall in after him. So my mom runs to the rescue and safely pulls him out.

All he got was a slight burn on the side of his hand. Of course he can't feel it because he's so drunk. Which I guess is a good thing.

So shortly after this I decide I've had enough "excitement" and head to bed so I can get a good night's sleep, before he comes into the trailer and ruins my sleep. Unfortunately he decides he should sleep too, so comes in about five minutes after me.

Which I guess was fine, he passed out rather quickly.

Problems started a couple hours later when he woke up, and I could tell he had to pee.

I could tell because he pulled his pants down, but then passed out again with his butt (bare) up in the air. Being the good wife that I am, I try to pull his pants up, hoping he will just sleep through the night.

No such luck. He starts thrashing around again, and kicks my pillow off the bed. So, I sit up and move out of his way. He lumbers off the bed and starts trying to undo his shorts again. So I start repeating his name gradually louder and louder each time, to no avail. I was really worried about getting his attention because he was aimed at my clothes.

So I hit his arm and screamed "ASS!"

"What ta fuck do youuuuu want?" He yells back

"what are you doing?"

"I haff ta pee." And continues with his pants.

"well, maybe you should go to the BATHROOM then." He storms outside. And I think pees on the keg. He starts screaming for the dogs, because he thinks they are outside. I'm worried that he's gonna wake everyone up, so I tell him to shut the fuck up, the dogs are already in the camper.

He doesn't believe me and continues to yell for the dogs. So Jenny decides to get up and see what his problem is. She trots out of the camper (past him) and he sees her standing over by the fire pit.

"Come on Jemy, lees go ta bed. I told you see wasss ouside"

I shake my head, and lead them back to bed. I spent a really uncomfortable night squished between him, Jenny and the wall.

It was really fun telling him what he did that night. And he wouldn't have believed me except my mom heard him outside yelling for the dogs, so I had collaboration.

I am in Haaaaaate!

2006-09-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

So today I received a phone call today from the hospital.

(oh my god! Somethings wrong with my blood tests. What's wrong with me? What could be wrong? Am I going to miscarry? What will I tell hubby? He'll be so upset. I think I'm gonna cry. Or scream. Gaaaaaa!) (I also thought this all in the two seconds that the phone had it's first ring, before I picked it up.)

Hello?

Hi! Is this Cynthia?

Yes.

Hi! This is bitchface from the lab at the hospital. There is a problem with your blood for the tests. We need you to come in again.

Okay(stay calm). What is the problem?

Oh, well, um, on the way to being tested in Vancouver, some of your vials broke, so we need more of your blood.

OH. Okay, I'll be in as soon as I can then. (hangs up the phone and takes a big calming breath)

Why the fuck is it that they always screw up taking blood from the person who is soooo not okay with giving blood? Why does this have to be my luck? Why me?

The Boating Incident

2006-08-31T13:57:00.000-07:00

I can't exactly tell you this story as though I was there because unfortunately I was not on the boat. I wish I were.

The three stooges (Dad, Idiot, and Zak) had all been drinking. Since they got up in the morning. And at this point it is about 4 in the afternoon. Marie and I went with them to dock the boat so we could drive the truck back to our side of the lake. Watching them trying to unload the boat was really really funny. They had forgot that there were tie downs on the back end of the boat and it took them all about 10 mins to figure out WHY the boat wasn't coming off the trailer. So we left them at that, and drove back to our land.

About a half an hour later the guys come up to our site. They had been chasing seagulls in the boat. At this point it bears mentioning that my parents have a seadoo jet boat, with twin 80hp engines, so chasing seagulls is easy. As long as you don't quit paying attention for even a split second. Because as Zak learned, you can and will be thrown from the boat. Even if you are kinda holding on withone arm, it won't be enough. Apparently the other two turned their heads only to see Zak flying ass over tea kettle into the water. He managed to save his hat, but forgot completely about his 150$ sunglasses. Lake 1 Zak 0.

Later on Zak and Marie went out on the seadoo and he lost his hat this time. Lake 2 Zak 0. Sometimes men never learn.

After these incidents he decided to not make fun of my dad's insistence upon wearing a life jacket (especially since he can't swim). And also to never quit paying attention in a boat that has a cord attached to the key so if the driver is thrown out, the boat engines are killled.

The Groping Incident

2006-08-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

So we are out at the lake and the keg has been cracked and Hubby has been drinking since about noon. It is now about 10 pm. Roughly. Sarah is there to visit along with her boyfriend Ray.

I get up to go to the bathroom and come back to see that Sarah is sitting in my seat. Whatever, no big deal. Mine was warmer because it was closer to the fire but that's fine I was hot anyway. So I sit down in her seat.

About five minutes passes and hubby gets up to stumble around the campsite a bit. I think nothing of it, and truth be told, was kinda spacing out. Next thing I know, I hear this panicked voice coming from Sarah, "What is he doing?????" I look over to see him leaning over the back of what was my seat, and hugging her from behind. The funny part is that not only is she whacking him with a stick from the ground, but Ray hasn't even said a word about him molesting his girlfriend. We are all staring. I am laughing like I'm high.

Eventually he realizes that this woman doesn't feel like me ( I wonder what gave it away, maybe the fact that she was pulling away from him)and he pulls away. Absolutely mortified, he couldn't even look at her. And kept apologizing profusely for the next twenty minutes.

For some reason Ray assumed he was just grabbing her from behind to pull her backwards off her chair. Which wouldn't have been very nice.

All I could say was at least he didn't GRAB her boobs. Although the extra handful (bitch) would've clued him in alot quicker.

First Pre-Natal Appointment

2006-08-29T16:42:00.000-07:00

I had my first prenatal appointment today. It went ok, I guess. The doctor who is standing in for my real doctor is kind of incompetent.

You see, I have a heart murmur. I have since I was born. She couldn't find it. Like at all. And then looked at me like I was just making shit up. So whatever, she made a note of it in my chart but kinda didn't really believe me. And she is from New Zealand, so I also couldn't really understand what she was saying to me.

Afterwards, she hands me the form that I need to go to the hospitol to get my bloodwork done. As we've learned in the past, I don't do needles very well. So after waiting in the waiting room for like a half an hour, when finally called in for the bloodwork I tell the lady that I am a fainter. And my veins blow up very easily. So she uses a small needle, but I'll get to that. She is asking me all sorts of questions for the forms she has to fill out and our conversation goes something like this:

Her: So, the babies fathers last name?

Me: Same as mine. Then I spell it for her

Her: Oh, gives me real funny look and pauses uncomfortably, well that's unusual these days. Doesn't happen so much. Another funny look like I'm lying

Me: Well I guess that's what happens when you get married.

Seriously, the bitch. Just because I'm young that must mean I'm just sleeping around. I bet she would've never said that to someone even 5 years older than me.

So I came back from my appointment glad that the doctor I seen wasn't really my doctor and also wanting to punch the lab tech. Not looking forward to having to go back every month to see miss opinionated.

Back Home

2006-08-27T13:03:00.000-07:00

So we are back now. It feels good to be home. Not that I didn't enjoy the trip, but after a certain amount of time you just want to go home.

There are many stories I want to tell, but each is so funny they deserve their own post. But needless to say, once the keg was bought, that's when all the funny things started to happen. Like the fire incident, the groping incident, the boating incidents and of course the funniest one of all the moonyass incident. Each will come at their own time. And having been sober the whole time I remember each incident without the fog of beer. Dammit.

Marie and I didn't really see eye to eye very well this trip down, mostly because I refused to put up with her bullshit. For once. It seems lately I won't just walk away from a fight. But her telling me I was not really feeling sick, just playing the pregnancy card was really starting to get on my nerves. And Hubby's too, cause when I got really mad he was the one to hear it.

Anyway, that's all for now. Hope you guys didn't miss me too badly.

Oh, have you been waiting?

2006-08-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

Did I promise an update with an announcement?

Did I say I would do it right away?

Oh, I did? I meant whenever I felt like it.

I've been busy lately what with the visiting and all. And meeting my new neice. She is beautiful. Although, all babies kinda look alike to me.

Umm have you guys been waiting for this announcement? No, I haven't really been all that subtle about it if you know what I'm talking about, you could probably guess it.

Anyway, just so Sarah can stop checking every ten minutes to see if it's official yet (she has work to do) ...

I'm pregnant.

No Marie didn't freak out as much as I thought she would. There were no tears, or yelling. My dad however decided that he's not ready to be a grandpa, so he needed to have a drink.

My mom claims she knew. I'm not sure about that. But I'll give it to her.

Janet (my MIL) said congrats but didn't really sound all that convincing. Whatever.

So that's my big news.

In which they sink to a new low.

2006-08-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

I was so looking forward to going home to Saskatchewan today. Don't worry, I am still going (once the car is fixed) (what doesn't your car break down every time you want to go somewhere?) (mine do), I just am not as excited about it.

I received a phone call yesterday from my four year old neice because her mother didn't feel like talking to me to tell me that their trip down to Saskatchewan was ok. Do you know what she said to me?

"I hear your stupid. That's ok I like you anyway.'

That's right, that's exactly what she said. While I could hear her mother and grandmother laugh in the background. Real classy huh? Involving the four year old in making my life hell. Needless to day, I was very hurt and upset. Also very pissed off. Although Hubby was alot more angry than I was. Especially considering that when I asked her to put her mom on the line they hung up the phone. HUNG UP THE PHONE!

So, I think I will pass on going over to visit them. And I will have nothing to do with the telling of our announcement to them. Fuckers.

I am really excited for the fireworks that I bought though.

Oh also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAN! Hahahaa you're 22 now! You're OLD. Love ya!

Maybe we should just stay home

2006-08-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

On the weekend we went out boating with the people who used to rent our house. It was really fun. We brought along our propane bbq because we were told that there were fire bans. Although, while out on the middle of the lake Hubby realized that he had forgot to bring the propane tank. Ooops, looks like we will be starting a fire. Then on the way back across the lake at the end of the day, we ran out of gas. That's right, in the middle of the lake. So he and the other guy were rowing. Unsuccessfully I might add, because we were going in circles. I was getting annoyed as it was getting dark and I was hungry. So I pulled out the whistle from our boat safety kit and whistled like our boat was going down. Eventually someone came and got us, so we were pulled to safety. Which is a good thing because one of the oars broke in the harbour.

Then while driving home we watched a guy on a bike hit a baby black bear (one of 3 on the road) and wipe out. So we stopped and he was okay. So was the bear I might add, he ran away into the bushes.

So that was my weekend. Kinda funny, I think those two people who were with us think we are cursed with extremely bad luck.

Okay, So I May Be a Little Lazy Lately

2006-08-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry, that post was up for waaaay longer than absolutely necessary. We had company come to visit from Saskatchewan. We had fun. Booze was consumed by everyone else. Someone had to be sober enough to drive.

So anyway, that's my excuse. And also on Wednesday I went to C-town to write some tests from my class. Remember those tests I wrote about mmmm a month ago? These were the first ones I have written since then. I THOUGHT I had done alright, but it turned out that I didn't do quite as well as I thought. So now I have to get almost a hundred percent on the last six tests. That I get to write on Tuesday. So my long weekend will be spent studying. Incessantly.

I am getting so excited to be going home in a little over a week. I haven't been home since mothers day 05. I miss it. A little part of me will always think of NB as home.

I bought $170 worth of fireworks for that weekend. Big ones. Fun ones. Fireworks that will blow your mind. As you can tell I am very very excited for that.

Also stay tuned for an upcoming announcement. This will be posted from Saskatchewan.

Warning! This may be too much information

2006-08-01T10:06:00.000-07:00

"Cindy, will you give me head?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"My nose is plugged."

"I'll give you a straw..."

OH, FUCK OFF!

2006-07-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

So, do you notice anything off in this picture? Oh, I don't know, like say maybe that there is no water coming out of the tap even though it is clearly on?

I discovered we had no water last night. While Hubby was at work, so there was nothing he could do to help fix it.

He THINKS he may have fixed it this morning but we don't know for how long it will stay fixed. FUN!

I'm starting to think that maybe I don't like this house so much now.

My Weekend Version 2.5

2006-07-26T17:17:00.000-07:00

Now with pictures, minus the words. If you want to see what I'm talking about, refer to the last post.

ME. Eating. Also that is the cowboy hat I risked life and limb to save. Stupid thing shrunk too.

2006-07-26T17:16:00.000-07:00

Beautiful, secluded and mosquito infested.

2006-07-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

Blogger is a Bitch. So is this Hello! Bullshit. I wanted all three pictures in one post. But whatever. So I give Up. Oh, yeah that's me on the tube. Can't you just sense the excitement? I mean seriously, don't I look just stoked? Yeah I didn't think so either. After doing the splits and falling in the water, I just didn't really want to do it anymore. Can't imagine why.

My Weekend, Version 2.0

2006-07-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

Here we go, I am trying this again.

We went camping on Friday and Saturday. I'm told it was fun and that we had a blast. It really wasn't that bad, I'm just not a fan of camping.

We were alone and deserted and I enjoyed that, because I am my fathers daughter and I hate too many people being around. Friday anyway.

There were millions and billions of mosquitos out so I took my book into the tent to escape them. Bug spray seemed to be crack to them.

But before I hid myself away, this is the picture Hubby decided to take of me. This is the first picture he's taken of me while fully dressed or not changing in a while (yes he's a dirty pervert) and of course I'm stuffing my face. There are two pictures actually and I'm eating both times. I think he did that on purpose.
***************************

Saturday people took over our beach (yes it's OURS) and that annoyed me very much because other people brought their dogs too. Little annoying yappy dogs, so we had to put our dogs on their leashes because they think all other dogs want to be their friends.

So we took our dogs out in the boat, and HE made me go tubing. Apparently I am not the most graceful person in the world because stupidly I tried to step into the tube, with one leg on the tube and the other in the boat and (you can see where this is going can't you?) wound up doing the splits inbetween the two items. Then I fell into the water. To his credit he never even laughed at me. Out loud anyway. So I had to climb back into the boat and try again. Then while on the tube I made him stop so I could put my goggles on because the poor baby was getting water in her eyes.
***********************
Hubby took his turn and I flipped him out of the tube repeatedly and he seemed to be enjoying himself. Until I flipped him so good that he went skipping across the water smacking his bag all along. When I came around to pick him up he was calmly floating inplace and refused to go back in the tube.

So we went back to shore for lunch. Now, while camping because I hate it so much I don't have to do anything. Because hubby is just so happy I'm even there. Anyway, he's buliding the fire and cooking lunch while I sit on my ass finishing my book. (The Devil Wears Prada) Burgers are done and he even prepares it for me, then brings it to me. I take a bite and Ketchup and mustard squirt out all over my towel. And I in my best bitchiest voice screech "How much fucking sauce did you put in this?" He turns to look at me mouth open and staring, because that was bitchy even for me. He throws my napkins, literally throws them at me. And then realizes just HOW bitchy that was of me and tries to take my burger back.

I shook my head and apologized because even I have no idea where that came from. I felt it coming and just couldn't stop myself. So we chalked it up to too much sun and packed our stuff up and headed home.

But that can't be all because I need to do one more stupid thing before we can call it a day. We're heading back with all our stuff across the lake to the truck and I am riding on the front of the boat (because I like it up there) while wearing my cowboy hat that I bought for in Jamaica when I turn my head to look backwards and (of course) it flies off. Now, normally he would just tell me to suck it up, but considering my mood snap earlier he turns around to go find it. We come up to it and it is about two feet under water. Knowing it won't be within reach for much longer I go jumping off the front of the still moving boat. In front of it. Thankfully he guessed I was gonna be that stupid and had already started turning the boat so as not to run over me with the prop. Mission accomplished, I came up witht he hat in my hands and a lungfull of water. Coughing all the way back to the boat.

And that was my weekend trip.

By the way, we are now both very very sunburned. Him more so than me because I had a base tan. Which is funny because he has a head start on me being native and all and I'm naturally pale as pale can be. Men are sissies when sunburned too.

****** I will have to add the pictures at another time because blogger is being a particularly mean spirited bitch today and tried to lose my post again.********

Pissed off

2006-07-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

I had a whole post written up about my weekend at the lake and went to add a picture but then blogger froze up and closed down and lost the whole damn post. So I am now pissed off. I will maybe try to write the post again tomorrow. For now I give up.

Well it's about flipping time!

2006-07-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

I finally got my satellite back. I have TeeeeeeeVeeeeeeee again!

Apparently when you phone Starchoice to have you service reconnected they must then approve your application through Satan. Cause seriously? We phoned on the fourth to have it done. I expected at least a week, but seriously, it's the 20th now. How busy does it get in one town? Does only one person in all of beer town do installations?

Thinking about it though, having no tv I sure got alot of work done around the house.

This Weekend in Conversations

2006-07-17T12:37:00.000-07:00

We had our first visitors this weekend. And it was so much fun, despite the late nights and early mornings. They have two children, so it was an interesting change for me.

Riley(3yrs): "Where's Uncle?"
Me: "He's just in the bathroom right now. He won't be much longer."
Riley: "No. One time uncle was over at my house and I had to pee, and he was weally weally wong pooping, and so I had to go outside and pee on a twee."
Me: Laughing hysterically.

Scene: Bedroom. 5 am or so.
Hubby: "Are you going to do some laundry?"
Me: "Today? Yeah sure."
Hubby: "Right now. Go do a load of laundry."
Me: "Fuck you, I'm sleeping. I'll do a load once it's not 5am."
He claims to not remember saying this. I'm inclined to believe him due to his penchant for sleep talking nonsense.

Scene: Bedroom, looking for a pair of shorts to lend to Michelle. Hubby and Heath are making breakfast.

hubby: "Cindy, will you please come take my place in the kitchen. I can't share my kitchen with him."
Me: "No. Now go play nice with the other little boys and share the kitchen nicely."
He leaves the room dejectedly.
Michelle: "Did he REALLY just come up here to ask you that?"
Me: "Yeah, he knew I wouldn't though. He just likes for me to know what he's doing at all times and have my undivided attention."
Michelle: "He's worse than a kid."

Me: "Kyla, can I have the boat key back?"
Kyla(2): "No, I'm pwayin wif it."
Me: "Ok, but be real careful with it, because if we lose the boat key Uncle will get really mad at me."
Kyla to Adam: "Uncle, you be nice to Aunty Cinny, ok?"
Hubby: "Okay"
Kyla: "Cause I like her, she's nice. So you be nice."

Scene: Saturday night. 2am bedroom
Me: "If you can't lay still I will hit you."
Him squirming annoyingly. So I knee him in the butt as hard as I can.
Me: "Seriously, if you don't stop moving I'm gonna go sleep on the couch."
he continues to move all over the bed.
Me: "fine, you fucker. I give up. I need to sleep."
8am he wakes up.
Him: " Are you sleeping on the couch? Why? Hey, you took all the pillows, why would you do that?"
Me: "It was that or kill you. And you're lucky I never took the blanket too."
Him: "My ass hurts. I must've fell down last night."
Me: giggles to myself. "Yeah, that must've been it."

Scene: on the beach, everyone around.
Me: "Hey, idiot!"
Michelle: "You call him names alot. So much so that since we've been here I've called Heath and idiot at least twice."
Adam: It's ok, Ive come to accept it."
Me: "Well in my defense, when I call him his name he either doesn't hear me or if he does, he then thinks I'm mad at him because I've used his name."

This is how beautiful Sunday was. That is my boat over on the right. There was not a single cloud in the sky the whole day.

Also, I was going to post some pictures of the house but blogger took twenty minutes to load this picture, so I don't have the patience for it today.

He is growing a Soul

2006-07-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

Last night, or rather yesterday the cat got out. Which somehow Hubby convinced me was okay because he figured that because the one other time he got out, he came back. So for some inexplicable reason, I went along with it. Until of course, it started to get dark.

So I started to worry.

He put in one of my movies to take my mind off it. So we watched Cheaper by the Dozen. Or tried to anyway. I kept walking outside to the deck and calling the cat.

After the movie he looks at me and says "I'm kinda worried too, the stupid little bastard has grown on me a little. Cause he hasn't been being a prick to me lately."

He and Thomas* are mortal enemies. They usually hate each other. Ever since we found him outside a bar one night, Tommy scratched up his speakers so hubby had him declawed and neutered. So they hate each other. Or rather he hates the cat. The cat ignores him now. He used to hiss and run away everytime he saw him.

Anyway, we went outside to search for Tommy. In the dark with the dogs because I am a big fat scaredy cat. We walked the full perimeter of our yard and then searched the sheds because you never know. Then just as we are about to head back, Jenny takes off running at full speed to the house. So I run after her because she may have seen a bear and was being smart.

What do I discover sitting there like he was there all along? Tommy.

The little bastard.

* Thomas is the name my mom gave to him when he came to live with her for a while, Thomas short for Thomas O'Malley, the Alley Cat. Get it? His original name given by me was Pumpkin because he was so small and his head was sooo big. Hubby named him Buster. The cat in question hates both the names we gave to him and will shoot you a dirty glare if you call him one.
Of course I came back. It's dirty out there ya know.

Weekend Project 06

2006-07-10T12:38:00.000-07:00

So, Hi! I took Friday off, for no apparent reason. We actually never did go to the amusement park because "WE" decided that maybe "WE" should get some things done around the house.

Hardest part over MY ASS!!

Remember how I was so excited to stain all the wood in my house cherry to match my table? Somebody hit me next time I get ideas like that. I should know better, I went through the maniacal renovation phase leading up to my wedding at my parents house. I KNOW BETTER! Staining is bad. Very, very bad. And it gives you a wicked high that is a bitch to come down from. Proper ventilation is hard to accomplish when you can't let the cat out. Much to the cats chagrin.

Anyway this weekend I managed to finish the dining room walls. They are tongue and groove so it was really hard to do because I was working vertical. Thankfully I had a power sander, but seriously my back and shoulders are so sore I couldn't sleep last night. And when I did sleep i had weird stain induced dreams.

Anyway, I will post pictures of my Weekend Project 06 once I can find my cable to connect to the computer from my camera.

Also while "WE" were working on home renovations, one of us felt that playing with his new lawn mower was more important than sharing in the stain high. Bastard.

Confessions from the Middle of Nowhere

2006-07-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

I am so covered in bruises I look like a junkie. Or that I have been beaten to within an inch of my life. Take your pick. Last count I had 15 bruises on my legs and at least 20 on my arms.

I really do LOVE my new house.

Except that we have to rip up the bathroom floor of our ensuite because as Hubby discovered he can put his finger through the floor beside the toilet. Plywood and all. Fun.

And we have to redo the ceiling in the main bathroom because there is moisture damage because the fan sucks ass.

BUT I am allowed to stain all the wood in the house cherry to match my precious precious table.

Which got wrecked in the move. There are scratches all over it because someones stupid stupid friends didn't care about maybe not wrecking all my stuff when we moved it into storage.

When I seen the damage I maybe cried a little. Or a lot. Whatever.

I hate, with the fury of a thousand suns, the bastard renters who were in this place before us. Apparently they decided that they, in fact, did not have to clean the house when they moved out. At least flush the damn toilets you PIGS!

Also, don't tell anyone, but dial up really isn't all that bad. Maybe its just that I am so happy to have computer access again.

I finally now have the tree house my dad promised me when I was four. Better late than never, I guess.

I am apparently not at Silverwood today because a certain lazy ass is still sleeping. So what that he worked all night, I want to go to an amusement park, dammit. Just Kidding. We'll go tomorrow.

Anyway I should maybe get off the computer now Who knows, maybe someone is trying to call me. By someone I mean my mom.

I'm Baaaaaaack!

2006-07-05T17:26:00.000-07:00

Well I've learned something very interesting about Telus. When they say, "yes indeed we will give you phone connection on this day" what they really mean is "fuck you, we will tell you one thing and then actually do it 4 days after we said we would. And? Totally not give you internet. So you have to phone us 18 billion times to get everything actually working and make you want to cry while having to talk to one of those phone prompters that aren't really people, but sound creepily alot like one."

So, a big Fuck You! to Telus.

Ahem, Hi everyone. I'm back finally and may even possibly resume regular posting for you all. Now doesn't that sound absolutely like a treat? Well that's all you're getting. So suck it up.

I am possibly bitchy, and tired. I have too much stuff that I can't part with. And it is all a pain in the ass to move when certain relatives promise to come help you move and then show up a day and a half late, just in time to help you drink the 48 beer that are now all nice and chilled in the fridge.

So a big thanks for nothing to a certain relative who will remain nameless. (shakes fist in air)

I figure if a relationship can survive moving, it can survive anything. However if he says one more time "here's another box of your stupid crap" I swear I will throw out every single one of his tools and laugh while he cries. So there.

My dogs seem to be adjusting to their new house quite nicely. Well to be perfectly honest they are just happy to be inside a house and allowed couch privileges. However Caesar seems to think that the deck is a perfectly acceptable place to go to the bathroom. He's lucky I never stepped in it. Oh well I know something he doesn't (He's finally going to be neutered and I am thrilled.) Hahahahaha! Hopefully he will stop sniffing Jenny's butt incessantly, because her patience is wearing thin.

Anyway, tomorrow we will hopefully be going down to Silverwood theme park for the day, because being jobless, I have nothing better to do. But maybe not because Hubby is on his last night shift tonight so he may be tired. Hopefully not though, because I really want to go on some roller coasters.

Also? Spell check just asked if I wanted to replace Fuck with Fiji. Isn't that funny? No? Maybe I'm just computer deprived. Oh well, from now on I think I will replace saying Fuck with Fiji. Won't that be funny? Shut up, I think so.

Hello Again!

2006-06-26T11:27:00.000-07:00

Well I am coming to you live from inside someones home. I have been unsuccessful at controlling my internet withdrawl symptoms. So I am sad to say I have broken into someones home and am using their internet. Unfortunately the house I have chosen has dial up, so this has been interesting for me.

Not much new here, except I am still homeless. Thankfully though not for much longer. Only it suck that we will be moving into our house on Canada Day.

Anyway, just thought I would let you guys know I am still alive and haven't forgot about you.

Gotta go someone just pulled into the driveway, hopefully there is a back door out of this place....

PS for those of you who don't know me, I never really broke into anyones house. But I had you going there for a minute didn't I?

So Long, Farewell...

2006-06-12T00:08:00.000-07:00

Well this is my last post.

For two weeks anyway (scared you didn't I?). And when I finally come back to you all, it will be from the fiery depths of dial up hell. That's right, my new house is only capable of getting dial up. So I may just wind up breaking my computer in impatience. Maybe not though, because I won't have a job, so I will have nothing better to do than wait for a connection. This might make me have to finally learn patience. Or knitting. Which is on my list anyway.

Speaking of my list, guess what I bought on Saturday. A bow and arrow set. I got it at a garage sale. It is a longbow not a compound bow, so it is one inch shorter than me (I'm 5'7"). It came with a leather quiver (I just wanted to say quiver. It's a fun word), a bunch of arrows (like 50 of them), a leather arm protector (which by the way, you do need. Believe me I found out the hard way), and a finger protector glove. But that is too big for me so I will have to buy a smaller one. I was so excited when I saw it I didn't even dicker with the price I wanted it so bad. Hubby laughed at me. Which I expected, so whatever. My dad joked that I will be using hubby as target practice. Which made me laugh. (I say which alot don't I? Whatever)

And remeber how I bragged about having good luck? Remember also how I said I lost a diamond earring like two weeks ago? I found it on Saturday. (Saturday was a good day for me, better than Friday night anyway, damn bear) I was pretty excited because yay! Those were the only earrings I wore, so I have two again. Which means I will no longer look like a pirate with one earring. Only now I won't get newer, bigger ones. Yeah, like I was going to anyway.

So back to this whole no computer thing, I will also have no phone. Except for my cell phone. Which is funny cause it is still a Saskatchewan number. I think it's funny anyway. My dad doesn't so much when he gets the bill though... yes I'm spoiled. Shut up. If someone offered to pay for your phone you wouldn't say no either. I really only use it when travelling home anyway, so it's more for his peace of mind than anything. Anyway, back to the origional point in this paragraph (I keep getting off track today don't I?), I will be off the grid, unreachable. And I think I may just go into withdrawls. Weekends are hard enough when almost nobody updates. Can you imagine how I'll be after two weeks? All shaky and bitchy, wandering around looking for someone to lend their computer to me. "Come on man, I only need like 10 minutes, 20 tops. Please, I'll do whatever, just let me use your computer, man." Or however junkies actually sound.

So now that I've rambled on and on and on, I will say goodbye for now, see you again in two weeks. Please don't forget me. I will try to come back and update before July 1st when I return to civilization. Sorta. Dial up civilization. So keep coming back and checking, but I promise I will stop short of all out Junkie and will not break into houses to get my fix. I say that now, but we'll see how I am in a week...

Also, still leave me comments. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am a comment whore. So please, don't stop with the comments. And if me being gone for two weeks sends you into withdrawls (I can pretend someone cares enough) read the archives. Maybe that'll help.

Wildlife

2006-06-09T23:37:00.000-07:00

Now with Further Edit, especially for Joyce, because she asked for it.

One of the things that scares me the most about living in the wilds of backwoods BC, is the wildlife.

I live right beside a mountain.(Obviously no snow right now)

About 1/2 km away is an empty bear cave. This fact scares the everliving crap out of me. Never knowing if one day late at night, coming home from work there will be a bear in my driveway. Or even a cougar. I have heard them crying in the distance, and in case you didn't know, a cougar cry sounds much like a baby crying. This is a very disconcerting thing.

I was out for a walk one day by the river, and could hear a baby crying, and there were no houses anywhere near where I was. I ran my out of shape butt home, damn near in tears, hoping I wouldn't trip and fall making my demise a certain thing. Cause I know my dogs would not stop to save me. I haven't been out for a walk by myself since. Which explains the shape I'm in. (Excuses, excuses)

A friend of mine was telling me that tonight her dad shot a bear in front of their house because it had come by the night before and made a mess of their yard. There were two of them, so there is still one out there. I don't live very far from her, so I was (am) scared. Because I would have no idea what to do if I saw a bear. Probably spend the night in my truck. I hope he gets the other one tonight because I won't be able to go out in my yard at night again.

Although I guess that isn't so bad since we are moving right away. But then, thinking about it, our new house is much farther away from town, and much more backwoodsy than this one. I guess I'll have to start practicing my shooting soon. And get a lisence to have a gun. So then I'll have one thing done off my list soon, out of necessity. But done is done.

Edit: OH MY GOD! SPEAK OF THE DEVIL, THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE YARD RIGHT NOW! MY DOGS ARE GOING WILD AND I CAN HEAR CRASHING IN THE YARD! SOMEONE HOLD ME! I'M HERE ALONE AS ADAM IS AT WORK ALL NIGHT! I WILL NOT BE SLEEPING WELL TONIGHT.

Futher Edit: Okay now in the light of day, I can in fact laugh at my wussiness. Yes it was a bear. No it didn't wreck anything. It could smell the garbage we have in our porch and was probably trying to get at that. I phoned Hubby and told him about the situation and he told me to let the dogs outside. I told him I didn't want my dogs dead, thank you very much. Stupid man. Anyway, the bear was there for about a half an hour just lumbering around. I'm not quite sure why I was so scared, it's not like the bear can open doors. I hope anyway. I will not be leaving my house at night ever again.

Hmmph!

2006-06-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

So I am in a pissy mood this evening, and the cause of it may be one of many things (moving, drunk husband, or learning someone else is going to Europe) or it could even be a mixture of all of those things.

Yes it may seem silly to all of you out there that I am pissy because someone else gets to go to Europe, but that has been my dream from ever since I can remember. And it seems everyone else gets to go but me. I am happy for her, but also jealous. It's petty I know, but here we are anyway... (and she reads this, so Hi! I'm jealous, but I still heart you forever)

So this reminded me of this list I made when I was about 16 years old. It's of all the things I want to do before I die. So since that makes an easy post for me, I will share it with you. Yes I still have it and know exactly where it is. Shut up.

1. Go to England, Ireland, Scotland, France, Spain, Italy, Greece, Egypt, Turkey, Austria, Switzerland, Germany, Netherlands, Morocco, Jamaica, Mexico, Brazil, Russia, India, Australia. Preferably most of those in one trip. The ones in the same area anyway...
2.Learn Spanish
3.Learn French
4.Learn Sign Language
5.Get scuba certification
6.Parasail
7.Hang glide
8.White water raft
9.Learn to knit
10.Go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans
11.Write a book
12.Ride a steam train (I did that one actually, in Penticton two years ago. It was really hot.)
13.Learn to sail a boat.
14.Go on a cruise somewhere
15.Learn to shoot a bow and arrow (ok so I know how, but get good at it)
16.Get my gun safety lisence (I already know how to shoot, and I'm good)
17.Save someones life
18.Have someone buy my art (so I guess I'll have to start drawing again)
19.Learn to sew. (my little brother can sew better than me. And my sister)
20.Own a muscle car (I really want a new Challenger when they come out, but talking classic cars, probably a '68 Camaro RS SS. Rare, but I know someone who has it and I will convince him to sell it...)
21.Own a convertible. (I did own one, but I smashed a deer with it, so now I want a new Pontiac Solstice)
22.Learn to ride a horse (okay so I know how now, but I want to get good)
23.Own a friesian horse (very very expensive horse, but so so pretty.)
24.Make my own wine (not that I drink much but...)
25.Meet a movie star (preferrably Colin Farrell heehee ;))
26.Learn ballroom dancing
27.Learn to belly dance (it looks so fun)
28.Learn to Salsa dance (these are pretty funny considering I cannot even two step unless very very drunk)
29.Parachute from a plane (I think I would only be able to do this double, I'd be afraid of not pulling the chute on time)
30.Ride in an air balloon
31.Have a pen pal.
32.Read all the classic old novels (Moby dick, Pride and Prejudice, etc...)
33.Get married (Check)
34.Have kids (I think I would at least like to do all the travelling first)

So there you go, I had some interesting ideas on there (some removed due to impossibility like, be in a movie, be in a magazine, attend a major award show. I was quite the teen, I wanted to be famous), but most of them I'd still like to do. I think I'll need to do some major money saving to even think about checking off number one on the list. Or maybe win the lottery (I guess you have to play to win).

So I guess I'd better just go on dreaming, and living vicariously through other people. And hope they share pictures on their blog when they come back. Hint, Hint. Wink, Wink.

It's also a good thing I love my sister so much because if I didn't I would take the money I am saving for her wedding and disappear to London and board the next Contiki Trip for 46 days(ultimate european, yes I've researched trips) and cross almost all of those places of the list. But I guess at least I will be able to cross Jamaica off the list. Which isn't quite the same as going to 17 countries for almost the same price.

I was also going to bore you with all the things I want to do in those countries, but I figured, no one else cares and also, that would take so long. But just believe that I DO have a list, even though I could tell you off by heart all the places and things... so beware, one day I might share it with you.

Incompatabilities

2006-06-07T23:55:00.000-07:00

It's a good thing there isn't some law out there that you says have to be able to work nicely with your spouse before you can get married. Because if there was I'd be single.

Hubby and I are trying to pack. We aren't getting very far because we keep fighting. He keeps trying to throw things out that don't need to be thrown out. Like my shoes. Or pots and pans. He thinks we have too many and couldn't I just part with some of them? GAAAAHHH!!! And he also would like for me to pack all my clothes up early and start living out of a suitcase right now, instead of come Sunday when my next days off are. This. Is. Not. Fun. I HATE moving. And since there is the great moving fiasco of 06 we basically get to do it twice. Double Fun!

Is it a bad thing that I comtemplated throwing a knife at him when he criticized my packing ability? Does it make it any less scary that I didn't seek the knives out, I was packing one when the impulse struck? Didn't think so. Oh well, I guess at least we don't work together often.

Also, do all guys expect women to be able to help them move a freezer as well as their friends do? He does. He also gets very upset when I drop heavy things on his fingers and nearly cut them off. So he says. Drama Queen. I keep telling him to not make me carry heavy stuff.

Am I Supposed to Care?

2006-06-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

Why do all the drunk people seem to think I want to hear about all their problems? I'm just here to sell you your booze. Take it and leave. Maybe tip me too. Tipping is nice. But don't come in here and tell me your wife has just put a restraining order on you and you can't go into your home for a year. Because that? Makes me think you are a very bad person. And uncomfortable in a store alone with you late at night. Maybe I should be taking boxing lessons or something. Or just bring a bat to work.

I also, in a completely unrelated topic, wrote four exams today for my schooling. The class is over on the 7th and I hadn't wrote a single test. So I figured I'd do them all today. Smart right? The word you are looking for is procrastinator. Yes I know. Lowest score was 73%, highest was 84%, which will have to do. Last week I also wrote four exams for my medical terminology course (what's with me and four exams at once?)and didn't do too horribly either. Okay so I am lying and my lowest score on one was 68% but my highest was 89%, so I feel good-ish about that. Probably would've done better if I had written one every week instead of 4 a month, but live and learn I guess.

Did you know Rhinorrhea is a medical name for runny nose? I have been messing with the locals here and telling them that's what I have (I have a cold) and they all look at me like I'm dying. I get pretty good tips when people think I'm dying. And they're less likely to stay and bore me to death with their problems. Which is a good thing. (Medical dictionary's with pictures are fun, BTW)

I was going to post a picture, but stupid blogger won't let me. Stupid thing. My computer keeps telling me it can't find server whenever I try to send information, so I keep having to send it over again, not knowing if it worked the first time. So long story short, no picture this time. I know, you're all so disappointed. Try not to cry.

Priorities

2006-06-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

You can definitely tell where your seperate priorities as a couple lay when you walk into a store like Sears. Like say for instance:

He thinks $1500 for a riding lawn mower is perfectly acceptable, while however for a stainless steel side by side fridge, $1500 is just way too much. How is it that something you will use honestly twice a month is more important than a fridge you will use everyday until it dies?

OR

$300 for a chainsaw, but that's too much for a stainless steel dishwasher? Obviously he doesn't do the dishes. And how often does one really use a chainsaw? I wash the dishes every 2 days, when it is full. (we use alot of cups)

OR

$3,000 for a dirt bike is just fine, but for a pillow top king size bed? Nah, cause it's not like we sleep on it every night or something.

OR

With the extra money we have he'd rather build a garage instead of new laminate flooring or saving it towards the $5000 we will need to go to jamaica for my sisters wedding. I think he doubts that I will sell every single one of his toys to pay for our trip if we don't have the money. Which currently we don't because someone feels we NEED a garage so the boat doesn't get wet. (Anyone have $5000 dollars laying around we can borrow? No? Anyone want a used dirtbike? Boat? Skidoo? just kidding. I'm not quite ready to sell it all yet.)

Men are from Mars Women are from Venus? Nah, men are from the land of toys and tools, women are from the land of practicality and common sense.* Maybe it's the same thing. What do I know, I've never read that book.

*this coming from the girl who has 6 boxes of shoes packed up in her living room. And about 20 black garbage bags of clothes. Yes, that's how I pack clothes up. Don't call me white trash. It's the easiest way. Shut up, it is too.

Lucky? I think not.

2006-05-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

Generally speaking I have good luck. I can talk my way out of almost any ticket. And nothing too bad usually happens to me. However, Hubby has the worst luck. Everything bad happens to him. 4 Speeding tickets in one month, crashing my car into a mountain, his family... But speaking philosophically here, shouldn't my luck cancel his out? I mean my luck versus his, we should break even.

Unfortunatley that is not the case. We just found out yesterday, we don't get the fridge with the house. AND the washing machine doesn't work. So two new expenses that we will have to somehow manage to find a way to pay for. Because it's not like we can go without these things. Which sucks. Especially since I am going to be without a job soon.

I think I may just decide to pick fruit for the summer. Apparently they make pretty good money. And I'll get a pretty awesome tan too.

But back to my point, I think Hubby may just have a nervous breakdown. Because he cannot handle stress very well.

Also this is a picture of my pond at our new house. Not sure how I missed it the first time, but I did. Those rocks come up to my waist. Needs some work, but it should turn out very pretty.

Shut up. I can't figure out how to turn the picture. Just tilt your heads.

PS Movie Quote was from She's All That. You know, Freddie Prinze Jr., Rachel Leigh Cook. From 1999? Whatever. It's a cute movie. Shut up. It is too.

Serious? As A Heart Attack.*

2006-05-28T23:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Does anyone still come here anymore?

(emptiness echoes)

Didn't think so. I've been busy,ummm packing. Yeah that's right. I've been packing. Not just being really lazy. Packing.

I had a very fun weekend. Okay so it was really just Friday night, but whatever.

We went out for dinner, bowling and a movie with a couple friends of ours. (Actually it's the people we will be staying with.) Sooo much fun. We had dinner at Joey's Only. Which was ok. I'm not a huge fan of seafood, but I was outnumbered.

The movie we went to was The Da Vinci Code. It was pretty good. I didn't really like that they changed some stuff from the book, but overall, I liked it. Kinda long though. Maybe just cause I had to pee really badly.

The best part of the evening however, was the glow in the dark bowling. Did you know that a white bra will show through a purple shirt in those places? I do now. For those of you who don't know my husband, he has this thing where he is really good at almost everything he does. It's really annoying. Bowling is not my sport (well sports aren't really my thing.) I was doing actually pretty good (for me) until about the fourth frame where upon I pulled a muscle in my ass. Don't ask me how, cause I don't know, but it happens everytime I bowl. So then my game went to shit. Hubby took this very personally and started to get VERY serious. Shouting things at me like "come on, put some effort into it" or "just line it up with the arrows" and "try a little bit would ya".

People often think I am making it up when I tell them how upset me doing bad at things makes him. Our friends seen for the first time how serious he gets with me sucking at games or sports.

And boy did we make fun of him after that. Everytime he got, say, a spare instead of a strike we would yell out "come on put some effort into it" or heaven forbid he not strike anything down then I got to pull out the "You know honey, it really disappoints me when you don't even TRY to do good." At one point I was nearly crying on the floor with laughter because he was SO serious. Poor guy.

PS My ass still hurts. I must be really out of shape.

* Bonus point to anyone who can pinpoint what movie the title of this post is from. (Bonus points do not really do anything. Correct guess winner will have the 'privilege' of me mentioning their name in my next post. Whenever that may be)

Edited to add: Comment people. I am a comment whore, and feel unappreciated when nobody comments. So, please, say something. Please?

Homeless...

2006-05-19T22:29:00.000-07:00

We are going to be homeless for 15 days. How horrible is that? With two big dogs and a stupid bad cat.

We will be homeless due to the fact that the people who bought our house take possession on June 15th. We do not get possession of our new house until July 1st. Because they fucked us around. Bastards.

So we will be staying with our friends and their two kids. Which should be fun. I love their kids, who are 3 and 2. Also referred to as the cutest little kids ever. Don't tell my sister in law I said that. I don't know how well Hubby will deal... kids are scared of him usually. Actually we will be sleeping in their camper in their yard so as to not impose too much.

I hate having to ask this of them. I hate having to ask anything of almost anyone. Makes me feel bad. But there is nothing we can do about it because we won't be able to afford to stay in a motel. Or find one that takes so many animals. I guess this is what friends are supposed to do though, and they offered so....I wish I had family who lived nearer, then I would for sure without a doubt impose. But alas, they all live far away.

We get to put all of our stuff in storage for 15 days and will have to pay for storage for the whole month. I hope no mice live in those storage places because I would cry if anything happened to my furniture.

Anyway, feel for the poor homeless girl, whose new house only gets dial-up internet. I cry when I think of it.

Oh the Insanity

2006-05-18T21:02:00.000-07:00

It's things like this that make me shake my head in confusion about the town where I live.

Earlier I was in "town" renting a movie and this girl I know who works next door to me says "You wanna come see my goat?"

I'm thinking 'I hope this isn't a euphemism.' but respond with "Sure"

So we leave the video store to go to her truck, she opens the door and standing on the seat is the cutest baby goat ever. I am immediately in love with this lovely little thing. I pick her up and walk back into the video store to show Hubby. Nobody even takes a second look to see the crazy girl who is holding a GOAT for christ sake. The thing is bleating like crazy and still nothing. Nobody even says to get that thing out of this store, it's not a barn you know. And really I was expecting it. I would've deserved it. It is a goat afterall.

Her name is Cricket.

Now I want a mini goat. HE says no. Spoilsport.

I wish I had a camera with me, because certain people don't truly believe that my town is that backwoods. Seriously, I am not making this shit up. But you can't make shit like this up. It's not possible.

Summer's Here

2006-05-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

So this is what I do when I get bored or it's really close to summer. Sunday night my last night with Marie she looks to me and says "We should put some blonde highlights in your hair. It would look really good with the red." (which had really faded to a strawberry color.) I'm like sure why not. Hubby will love it. (he claims to be only attracted to blondes. Which is funny because I was his first blonde girlfriend)

WARNING! these are bad pictures. It was 11pm and I was wearing no makeup. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Anyway, before we 'played' with my hair(it was supposed to only be highlights only we put too many in so its pretty much all blonde.):

After:
Needless to say Hubby was pretty happy to have his blonde wife back. Now maybe he will let me dye his hair back to black. We don't both need to have blonde hair.

Which do you guys think looks better? Let me know. I like knowing other peoples opinions. Even if I don't know you.

Sheltered Life

2006-05-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm not dead. But I have been having such a blast in calgary, went wedding dress shopping with my sister today and it was so much fun, we even picked out her dress after two shops. And friday night marie and I went shopping for three hours. And then we went to a party and her fiancee whacked me in the nose in front of a room of people I had never met before. It was an accident of course, but there i am standing there trying not to cry and the more times Zak asks are you ok the harder it is not to cry.

BUT the funnest part about my trip so far has been going out to lunch with fellow blogger Rebecca Eckler. (heehee I'm name dropping, look how cool I am) We met downtown for lunch, so of course I had to take a cab because hubby gave me explicit instructions not to drive the truck anywhere after I got to marie's (which is big talk coming from the guy who smashed my car into a mountain). I had never been in a cab before in mylife. Yes I know, who hasn't but seriously, me. so I had to ask my big sister what the protocol was for seating. Do you really sit in the back? her response was "well I do, they usually smell, so you don't want to sit too close to them" (yes I used a stereotype, what of it?) Anyway, my cab driver was very nice and not at all a scary driver, it was quite pleasant until he started discussing president Bush and the war on Iraq. He was from Iraq, so i didn't know what to say. However I did agree that the only reason he is there is because of the oil (WOMD my ass, but anyway, I'm not political, so no I don't want to know what you think of my opinions on it), and then four firetrucks screamed by us to go to a fire (duh!) and it was interesting to see all the drivers in the cars going where the fuck do I go? And then my first ever cab ride ended and I headed off to lunch to meet Rebecca.

I was so nervous, I spent hours getting ready and changed my clothes like 14 times that morning. I even curled my hair and thats a big deal coming from such a pony tail girl. I'm a loser I know.

Lunch was awesome, i swear she must think that my in-laws are all certifiable (they are) and the town that I live in belongs in the backwoods of the deep south (ooh look! another stereotype. I'm on a roll tonight). i secretly call my town Salabamma. Shh! though don't tell them. I had so much fun I didn't want the lunch to end. I was having so much fun talking that I barely even touched my food. Once we finally ordered that is. Not that I could've ate anyway I was so nervous/excited.

After lunch i had to walk to my sisters work so we could go shopping. It was like 30 blocks away. I was wearing high heeled thongs and so by the time i finally found her work (I forgot what she said the address was) I had blisters that were so big they could've been another set of feet. But it was all worthwhile because I got told I was hot by some guy in a truck. I'm easily impressed.

and then the second of my oh my god I'm sheltered moments was taking the bus home with my sister. I had never been on a bus before. Nothing exciting or interesting happened except i got to pull the cord to make the bus stop at the next stop. I was pretty excited and Marie called me a loser. Which was fine, she does that alot.

So for the shopping because I know you are all dying to hear what I bought. 4 yes thats four new bathing suits bringing the count up to 28, a pair of sailor stlye pants that hubby will make fun of, a sweater shirt, a tshirt, a cowboy hat for in jamaica, and a tank top. By the time we were done my feet hurt so badly I could hardly walk(yes I had changed out of the flip flops). I complained so much Hubby gave me PERMISSION to buy new shoes. So after dress shopping today we did. White and blue Etnies, but i wasn't sure of the whiteness of the shoes because oh my god when they get dirty... but they were comfy and looked cute on so I bought them.

Anyway that's all I got for now, so I will probably post again on tuesday. Monday I will be driving all day then working at night, so i will be busy. but maybe i will post on Monday, keep all five of my readers on their toes. Maybe not though, so you'll just have to check and find out.

PS If the spelling in this post is bad it is not my fault, Marie's keyboard blows. Stupid Mac. Remind me never to get one.

For Mom

2006-05-10T00:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes I know, I'm early. But I'm leaving for five wonderful funfilled days without my husband in Calgary(I'm Freee!). So I might not be able to have time to post (I know, you guys will all be heartbroken)... or I might be posting constantly because Marie will be at work all day so gaaaa! the boredom. Or not. Who knows.

Anyway.

For my mom, who spent her whole life being the mom. Even when she lived at home she was the cinderella, cleaning the house and making dinner and having a curfew of 10pm every night(which was earlier than your younger sisters).

Then she met my dad (on a blind date), they dated for only a few months before they got married and shortly thereafter(more than nine months later, so no she wasn't pregnant then) she had my sister. At 22 years old. Then two years after that, they bought a towing business. My mom answered the phone 24 hours a day.

AND she was pregnant with me at the time too. Then I arrived, and she managed a baby, a two year old and a 24 hour business(and dad).

Then a little under two years later she had my little brother Sean. Prematurely(10 weeks early), and he almost died and so did she. But they both pulled through and as soon as she was out of the hospital she was back to work. Answering phones 24 hours a day, with three kids under the age of 5. With my dad gone alot in the truck working to support us.

And then the inevitable happened and she got pregnant with my youngest brother Mitchell (also 2 years later). She did this all with little to no outside support from anyone. All her family lived in BC, and we were the forgotten ones that almost nobody ever came to visit. Which was okay by us. Mostly.Her escapes from this came once a month when it was time for grocery shopping. And by escape I mean she took 4 unruly kids with her, for a torturous afternoon of hell in public.(BTW for those of you who don't know this, a family of 6 goes through 4 shopping carts of food in a month)(Safeway used to give out Gold Medal shopper cakes to her for free because we spent so much) People still ask her how she managed it. ("I used to see you out with those kids and wonder how you made it through that sane")

They finally bought an answering service when I was around 10 years old. So for the first time in over 10 years, she was not tied to the phone for 24 hours a day. She was FREEEEE!!!

Well sort of anyway. She still worked 9 hours a day at the shop answering the phone for our business and about 10 more businesses too.

How she managed to do all that and juggle ballet, my gymnastics, Marie's figure skating (and all that that entailed), baseball for everyone but me(the ball scared me), and everything Sean and Mitch did to cause all the trouble they did, the books for Vista Towing and all the cooking and cleaning and also the wonderful baking you did all the time, I will NEVER be able to figure out. God knows we were not much help.

So for everything you did for us, everything you gave up so we could have everything you never had, Thank you. I know that isn't enough, and it will never suffice even if I were to say it to you every day for the rest of my life, Thank you mom. Everything we are and everything we accomplish, we owe to you. Without you, I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't even be half the person I am now if it weren't for you. It is so hard to be so far away, but you are always in my thoughts and I miss you more and more every day.

I hope that when I do have kids, I can be even half the mother you were to us. You are my hero. And I love you.

Love always, your Birdie.

(PS Dad may have helped somewhere along the way too, so he also gets credit, but this is for you)

David Blaine freaks me out

2006-05-08T23:31:00.000-07:00

Did anyone else watch his "trick" on tv?

Dude was in a water bubble for a week and then tried to hold his breath for nine minutes. NINE MINUTES PEOPLE. I'm pretty sure that he never made the whole nine, but still. (I missed it because some drunk guy came in and wanted to talk philosophy with me. Annoying bastard) He tried, and he came pretty damn close. Closer than I would've thought he could.

Can you imagine how wrinkly and painful that must've been? I hurt after being in the tub for an hour, nevermind a week.

I'm however not quite sure how this constitutes as a magic trick though. He claims its magic because he brings people together who normally wouldn't have anything in common. That's bullshit babble, not magic. However his real tricks do freak the shit out of me.

Like he pulled a womans tooth out of her mouth and then BLEW it back in. Her mouth was bleeding and everything. It was pretty fucking cool. However if I ever meet him and he asks me to trust him and then reaches for my teeth, I will bite his fingers off. My teeth have enough problems as it is, I don't need some magician pulling them out. But if he takes me to a roullette table and gives me money to bet I sure will go with him. Those girls won 3,200 dollars. For nothing. Well I'm sure they got picked because they had big boobs but whatever...

He also tied his shoelace by waving his foot around in the air and it tied itself. Could you imagine the drunk people you could fuck with with that? But the freakiest shit of all is when he levitates. That is the one trick of his I wish I could do. Although he does seem to be in pain after he does it, so I could do without that. I'm kinda suspicious of that trick though because they will only show it from behind, so I don't know.

There was also no reason whatsoever for this to be on tv for the length it was. I mean come on, the trick was under nine minutes, a half an hour would've been sufficient don't you think?

PS Thanks to the two people who left comments regarding the brokeback mountain question I had, that was pretty much what I thought, but wasn't sure. So thank you for clearing that up for me.
(I also like how many hits I get for my posts that have brokeback mountain in them. And gay. BTW I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure Jake Gyllenhaal isn't gay. I got some hits searching for that too.)(Not that there's anything wrong with that, I just don't think he is. Not enough fashion sense.)(Imagine how many hits I'll get for this one...)

Brokeback Questions

2006-05-04T14:50:00.000-07:00

I watched Brokeback Mountain last night, and there was something I just couldn't figure out. Now if you haven't seen it stop reading now, because my question is a spoiler.

OKay so I am assuming that if you are still reading you have already seen it or are on of those weird people who like to know what happens. If so you're wierd. I hate knowing. Anyway, back to the point, what I don't understand is this: Did Jack Twist (jake gyllenhal) actually die by the rim of his tire exploding into his face, or was he beat to death with the tire iron by other guys? If you know, please tell me because I watched this movie running on like 2 hours of sleep, so some things just didn't make sense to me.

Also never watch a movie about gay people with an immature man. Hubby kept giggling and saying "they're gay." every time they so much as looked at each other. I was kinda grateful when he finally fell asleep, then I could hear what was being said. Instead of "they're gay. look, they want each other. Are they gonna have sex again?" And I'll be honest, his giggling was getting pretty annoying. "Heehee they're lovers"

***Hubby would like the internet to know that I forced him to let me rent it. "I'm not gay. Just so you know."***

Conversations with a Drunk

2006-05-03T12:42:00.000-07:00

So he got home last night at about 1:30ish. Came to the wrong door. Could not get in the house. So once I let him in, I went back to the bedroom to try and sleep. But after about ten minutes of hearing nothing I started to get worried. I walk out to the door to find him sitting on the floor staring at his shoes.

After we get that sorted out, he comes to the room and I laugh at his attempts to undress himself but don't offer to help. 10mins later he's laying down beside me and he says "I'm not gay. Just so you know."

Other things he said while drunk last night are
-You like sister. (WTF, I think that's missing a few key words)
-This is just you and me being us.
-Are we running peas or corn tonight?
-I just love.....pets my head like a dog
-can't you just cuddle me back?
- Your period is wrong.

Three in the morning he decides he's hungry. So he gets up, goes to the kitchen and drops the pie from the fridge on the floor. Picks it up, eats it and says "mmmmm this is god pie." Drinks milk straight from the jug, and backwashes a chunk of pie into the container. That's garbage now.

Then he kick the dogs outside because they just told him 'they wanted out.' So I have to get up, let the poor, confused dogs back in and wrangle him back to bed. Then the sleep talking starts. And the flying elbows to the head. So when he gets up at 9am this morning (still drunk BTW) he wonders why I'm grouchy. The bastard.

PS No Sarah I never bought that bathing suit, however now I 'm mad that she did. Oh well, I'll get over it I guess.

Where the Fuck?

2006-05-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

I just got home from work (11:30) and I totally have no idea where the hell my husband went. He has been drinking almost all day with his friend Jake (who gets him into trouble lots) and they were supposed to be here when I got home because we were all gonna soak in the hot tub. But. They. Aren't. Here. And I am pissed off about this. A phone call telling me where he was going to be would've been appreciated, thank you very much.

Also, drunk people, what makes you think that I want to lend you money out of my TIP JAR so you can buy beer? I don't. So stop asking. And, no even if you promise to pay me back. I've learned my lesson, because you never do.

Enter the Twilight Zone

2006-05-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

So last night after work I had a psychic come over to my house and he did a reading for me. Fucker was so good it scared the shit out of me. I tried for him to tell me where the septic system is in the new house but he was only picking up shit about this house. He described my basement and the bathroom and dude never seen them. So then after I said I think you're talking about this house, I took him to see it. He was like yep this is what I saw.

He knew about a project I am working on (and I can count on one hand the number of people who know about it from me) and said it was going to be majorly successful as long as someone keeps it tightly under wraps from everyone because someone else they know will steal the idea.

He said that Adam has a very volatile temper and that sometimes it scares me. Yep. He said that I need to stop holding in my feelings and remember to express what I am feeling to those around me because they will understand and support my feelings and this will help me to feel less alone. Also I am supposed to stop living in the past and start living in the now and to be more spontaneous.

And apparently I am going to have two boys (one may not be adams, but he said either I have an affair or it's not mine either, but a friend or family members) and also, much to my relief finally a girl. Which made my night. Because I definitely want a girl.

Now that you all think I'm crazy for believing in this I will leave you at that. Oh, Adam would like for the internet to know that he 'doesn't believe in this shit'.

Edit
No Sarah, Adam wasn't here he had to go to work and rushed out the door as soon as the psychic got here. It was kinda funny because the psychic noticed how quickly Adam rushed to leave. And don't worry, it's not you that will spill the beans to the idea theif. He told me who would and that it would be someone they considered a 'friend' and he also explained what this theif would look like too!

Ashallee, it cost me 50 bucks. I don't think he's doing too many readings though because he's had some threats from people around here not appreciating "his kind".

I have to add things this way because my computer is having difficulties lately and refuses to open pop up screens at all and is totally freezing up so I have to keep closing whatever screen I was currently at. Which sucks especially because I started my online courses I am taking today.

Also, Adam, if you do read this secretly, Happy 25th Birthday you old fart. Hahaha you're a quarter century now.

Some girls have all the luck!

2006-04-28T10:56:00.000-07:00

Did anyone else watch CSI last night? The origional one not the other two(I just can't get into those ones). If not here's a recap.

It was at a wedding and the evil mother of the groom gets murdered by the bridesmaids and the brother of the bride. The body is found because they tie it up behind the car that the new couple are leaving in.

Throughout the whole show all I could think was 'some girls get all the luck' and 'why couldn't my friends do that for me?'

*************************************

Okay, so I'm better about the house now and am actually kinda getting excited about it. Apparently there is a pond in the yard that I didn't notice. It has 4 bedrooms, two bathrooms, 1.5 stories, no basement, on 1.27 acres. In the upstairs is where the huge master bedroom is with an ensuite, there is also a loft like room up there which is where I will put the computer and all my books. You can look down over into the living room. It has wood heat, which I'm not crazy about but at least it will be warm. In the yard there is a treehouse and swingset built in and Adam can't wait to build himself a garage. I told him he has to make it two stories so we can build a bar and area for a pool table and foosball table. We got them down 20,000 in price so I feel pretty good about that. The reason for that is because nobody knows where the septic field is so it may be a problem. But hopefully not.

Marie, my sister, just bought a second condo to rent out and then eventually sell. Rich little bitch. Somehow I think I went the wrong way career wise... 198,000 for a one bedroom 600sq ft apartment. OUCH! That's even more than we spent on our new house. For us to live in.

My sisters fiancee, Zak, electrocuted himself last weekend and he has second degree burns on his hands. So I can't wait to get to Calgary in like two weeks to absolutely bug the shit out of him. He would do the same for me. We're a loving family like that.

Anyway that's all I got for now, I gotta go grocery shopping. Dammit.

Well...

2006-04-25T23:58:00.000-07:00

Adam and I put in an offer on a house today and was basically accepted so now I will be moving to Creston in about a month.

Don't ask me about the house, cause I don't really want to talk about it yet. It's not everything I had wanted because we can't afford my tates. But it's close. I will tell you more about it, maybe, when I get over the crushing realization that we aren't rich enough to afford what we (okay I) wanted.

At least it's not the trailer (although Adam put an offer in on it and they weren't willing to come down at all so yay!). So I feel better about that. But I'm not totally ok yet.

Chivalry is Dead

2006-04-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

This Saturday I took an inpromtu trip to penticton for my grandparents 55th wedding anniversary dinner. Before leaving, we discovered that the water pump had went in the truck. Which meant that I probably shouldn't be going. But I cried and cried until Adam felt sorry enough for me that he just told me to go. So I went.

But in taking the truck it meant that I had to stop every hour or so to let it cool down and add more antifreeze. So I stopped and sat there for a half an hour every time. One time I stopped at a gas station and sat with the hood popped. Nobody stopped to ask if I needed any help. Seriously, do I look like the kind of girl who knows how to fix a vehicle? I do know how, but really? Not the point. I was standing there in a sundress and wedge shoes and my hair all curled and looking cute and not one person asked if I needed any help. I could hear the men speculating to one another as to what might be wrong, but not one person came to my aid.

What the hell is wrong with men these days? Maybe I needed to throw in a few tears to warrant some help. Bastards.

I'll Miss You

2006-04-21T23:29:00.000-07:00

My mom just phoned earlier this evening to tell me that they finally found out what is wrong with their dog Lassie (jenny's mom). She has advanced stage leukemia and they will have to put her down tomorrow morning. We discussed it at length and decided it's not fair to her live in such pain. She doen't understand the pain she's in and it makes her scared.

I'm sorry I won't be able to go home to say goodbye to her, but that's selfish of me to expect them to allow her to suffer so I can say goodbye to another one of my dogs. My dog Levi died earlier this year of kidney failure ( he was 12 years old and our first pet ever) and I never got to say goodbye to him either. This is one of the reasons it's so hard to live so far away, when things go wrong it's too hard for me to get home in time to be there for my mom.
Goodbye Lassie. I will miss you very much. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. (Lassie is on the right, her daughter Jenny is in the pink collar)

TAG I'm it!

2006-04-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, so over Rebecca's blog she has done the whole meme thing where you list 6 wierd things about yourself, and tag others. So now I'm it. Here goes.

1. I have a Disney dvd collection. I tell people it's for when I have kids, so they can watch all the classics. It's not. They're for me. I watch them all the time. There are 39 of them.

2. I collect fairies. Some are painted and ready to display, some are the garden ones from Wal-Mart and I paint them myself. There are 46 of them.

3. I can't wash the dishes without gloves. If food touches me that's floating in the water I get grossed out and have to stop for a minute. I also can't put my hand inside a turkey. I make Adam pull the giblets out and put the stuffing in.

4. I have a liquor cabinet that is full of unopened booze. Nobody is allowed to touch it. It's for company. I also don't really drink, so I don't really have a real reason to have it.

5. I am a fully liscenced esthetician (make-up, waxing, nails, facials, artificial nails, pedicures, reflexology, aromatherapy, body treatments and lash and brow tinitng). I rarely wear make-up, my nails are ratty and I need a facial and pedicure more than anything. I can do it, I'm just a little lazy.

6. I can drink an entire 2 litre of Coke to myself in a night. And I do. I also take a 1 litre of diet coke with me to work every night. And drink it all. The girls at the gas station know what I come in the store for and they laugh at me. I switched to diet or coke zero so I save about 1 bazillion calories a day that way. I won't drink pepsi either. If a restaurant serves pepsi and not coke I will order an iced tea instead.

So there you have it. That was the best thing I could do. I couldn't really think of anything wierd so feel free to add to the list in comments if you can think of anything wierd about me.

Also? Tag! You're it! Let me know if you do it so I can check it out. Unless you've just recently done it. Then you are excused.